its my life ♥

2011-03-05T22:20:00.002+08:00

Its hard to describe how i feel now.
After texting benedict in the noon,
somehow i think i have figured out why...

& everything just crumbled down..

Pain, once again.

2011-03-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

Chest pain.
Out of a sudden.
I dont know why. )':

Read Aijing's blog & tumblr.
Somehow i felt her pain & i feel for her.
i am not caring enough..

Found her tumblr,
and so i found the others.
Everyone changed. Many things had happened since we graduated.
Many heartbreaking stuffs.
Even to me too.

I cant help but to feel pain & tear.
I really dont know why i feel so lost and sad.
i can totally feel myself crumbling down.
...

P.S. & i cant stand myself being a hypocrite.god damn it. D:

2011-02-27T10:44:00.002+08:00

i still remember those Chinese songs we used to share.
Our favourite Jay Chou songs,
those we sang it everytime when we went to Chinese Garden.
Those fun times we used to had during camps when we were both camp instructors.
Those times when you send me to school early in the morning.
those times when you send me to my ballet classes.
and those times i danced and played the piano for you...
imy..

but i just treat these misses as a sweet flashback.
you look great with your girlfriend now. :')
And hope ur camp company prosperous...

Its coming back.

2011-02-26T22:15:00.002+08:00

you made me think of someone that i once love alot.
the way you talk to me and care for me. sigh... )':
i miss the happy times..
before i was betrayed & eventually hurt...

Unwell

2011-02-26T21:18:00.004+08:00

ROAD RUN 2011! :D

Teehee. Managed to get into top 10! actually i was 4th.
But couldnt take it when i was near the end.
Almost fainted cause my freaking ankle was burning.
Super painn!

It was like damn embarrassing can?!
Just sat on the track straight after i reach the end point. ):
Some girl damn nice. She helped me up. :D
but i forgotten her name. hope she still remember mine! :D
hahaha!

Had prize presentation.
so embarrssing too. to limp a little. gosh.
Then slacked a while in the canteen. talked to cute elfy.
then went to lot1 with zad, joel, braly, vvy,. dora, lucas, jensi, minzie, jiayee and lala.
They ate @food culture. lol.
Was saving money so i didnt eat. and was having cramps. :/

Then went to watch 127 hours.
bloody hell.
I TOTALLY REGRETTED WATCHING.
Was crying for the whole show mans! ):
then felt like puking.
Became damn sick after that. ):
Went home with Jiayee & elfy.

Went to eat sundae at admiralty mac.
Chat with elfy till like 10.40pm and cab home.
Feel so badssssssssss cause i borrowed his money!!
D: even till nowsss.

woke up at 9am today.
was running a high fever and cramp like no tomorrow.
So i went back to sleep.
till around 11 plus.
BORED TO THE MAXXX. D:
Did my tutorial and suddenly at around 4 plus.
ALAN AND LINGLING SURPRISED ME!
i was damn shocked.
but touched at the same time. :')
first time people visiting me when i was feeling unwell!

awww love you guys to the max.
They bought like apples and strawberries.
and CHOYA! omg it was freaking niceeeee okay?!
hahaha! i want that for my birthday again! :D

gosh. totally made my day man.
hahah!

went for light dinner @sengkang mac with family.
ate only Cinnamon melts.
then home.
Slacked till now.
fucking shit.
my itouch spoil! ):
worst thing is charger spoil too! ))))):

Going to bring it for repair tmr! ):
sighh.
imma sadgirl93 now.

Hoping it will be a nice day tmr. if nt my weekend really sucked! ):

11:11...

2011-02-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

Seeing this number each day,
praying hard that it will be a better day for me and my friends.
But it doesnt seem to be that way.

Feeling so sick now.
Have been spending my whole time in the toilet.
D': I feel like i am fainting soon.
sigh.
So sick.

Stressed up!
Its not that i dont wanna go for practice on Thursday.
From the start in December, my piano lesson have always been on thurs alr.
i cant change it cause thats the only timing.
Dont state any status, you are making me feel shitty.
wts, the most i back out from SYF. its like one less me, makes no difference.
Damn. Sat prac so early.
Fuck. PISSED.

Studies,
why am i not muggin?!
i cant slack already.
IMMA KAIROS, not J1s.
fuck it.

Feelings,
i dont like him already right?
why cant i feel?
i cant treat others like that.
i needa stop everything.
D:

Breaking down,
emotionally & physically....

2011-02-21T22:30:00.003+08:00

Back!

School's still alright for me. Just that lessons were boring cause i learnt them before? Haha.

I am so glad Minzie is in my class, if not i could have just die.

Actually my class is not that bad, kinda like a sports class. So fun and cool! :DD haha

I think my sleeping skills improving. hahha! :D slept during chemistry practical just now! Practical ehh. hahah! sians, tmr physics practical! D: i wanna sleeeeeeep!

school ended at 2.30pm just now.

Tried playing hockey! WTS damn fun okay?! i am so gonna join hockey after SYF. ^^

First experience of hockey was fun, played with my classmates like Gary, Nicol, ManHo & ZAD (though he is not my classmate, but he's y bestfriend!)

Fun max. but the ball hit my thumb. had this red mark and blueblack! :/

Then i had a mini icecream "date" with Benedict at the school cafe. HTHT! :') he was my first friend in PJC. Funny guy but with loads of problems too. Hmm. feeling quite sucky from yesterday's accident. Kena molested by some fking old uncle. fk that bastard. Mum's gonna sue him.i dont wanna attend court session. cause it brings back bad memories too. sighhh. ):

Feeling so stress somehw. Kairos is so not easy. i need to pass all subjects man. but i aint studying! wtf. i need to study. i cant be distracted! i hate this.and gosh some guy just irritate my life. luckily lala told me, even if she never say i also found him irritating already since last year. bloody hell. i dont even know him and how can he like me. fking wierd i swear. zz.

Anyway, Just had Chingay last week. :D it was a blast man. Chingay was never exciting since last time until this year. Fireworks were awesome. and Kbox-ing session with Brandon and zad was so awesome! :D Last Saturday, went study with zad, minzie and brandon @starbucks at milenia walk. it was quite funny. then dinn came and i went to watch BALLERINA WHO LOVES BBOY @Esplanade. Saw Jastine on the way.

Bloody hell. the show is just way tooooooooo awesome. i cant wait for crew trnging now. and i am gonna train hard in ballet too! Teeheee. I am gonna be a very good dancer. thats my goal. :D

Okay quite tired, but shall study now! D: Must work hard.

P.S STUPID NATHANIEL YAP, TALKING TO HIS GF EVERY SINGLE NIGHT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS AND HE JUST GOT A ITOUCH4. SCREW HIM! >:(

2011-02-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

It have been damn long since i last posted.
Alot of things happened in a month. Getting over someone, got closer with a new bunch of people, getting to know people younger than me, getting closer to another person again..
Its very tiring but fun at the same time.

but i am still feeling so lost and sick and tired.
idk why. could be just me. sighhh. i dont know what to do. ):
missing those J2s.
i needa study hard man, those J1s this year are like MAD!
start mugging already. gosh. ):

okay i needa get my sleeeeeeeep. one whole week with less than 10hrs of sleep = DIE!

My heart goes..

2011-01-29T23:21:00.004+08:00

Why is it that whenever i see you, my ears go red?
Why is it that whenever i see you, my heart thumps super fast?
Why is it that whenever i see you, i feel like talking to you?
Why is it that whenever i see you, i hope you look at me too?

Sigh. but i know everything just cant work out. so i guess..
Giving up? might be good?
i really dont know how i am feeling these 2 weeks.

Numb, sad and regretful. for things i had done and have not done. ):
19% more to go...

Why keep raining nowadays?
think of you whenever is raining.
why you keep appearing?

i know i am dumb.
dumb in everyway.
but please dont bully me or annoy me.
i needa let you know that,

ONCE I HATE YOU, ITS PERMANENT. D:

KAIROS!

2011-01-23T10:30:00.003+08:00

Time flies.
2 weeks of school had passed.
Kairos programme so so only. NOT EVEN FUN AT ALL!

Lessons end latest like at 12.30pm. and slacked all the way till evening before going home.
Busy with Chingay practice and CNY practice. D: and the best thing i had achieved this week is that i ran a half marathon! hahahha! felt so wonderful!

Many things happened this 2 weeks too. As in my feelings and of course heard gossips.
Seriously, why cant we humans just dont have feelings. sigh. so depressing man. and met many hypocrites. i think that are all the flaws of human.

Feeling fat nowadays. prolly cause i had been drinking gong cha? hahah! and money burning cause kept spending on food, drinks. Even spent $8.40 on Venti Dark Mocha Frappe today @Starbucks. :/ Well.... hahah. no choice. just felt like drinking.

Gonna shop for CNY clothes tmr. cant wait. :D going back to malaysia and play fireworks next wednesday! but at the same time i am so scared for the CNY performance in the day! only like 8 of us on stage! those new J1s are like so.. hmm weird? or maybe just cause i haven adapt to them..

Holiday mood. haha. shall spam many pictures soooon!
last week wasnt pleasant, i hope next week i will have fun! :D

P.S 20% to give you up completely. i can do this. sigh.

2011-01-15T14:28:00.003+08:00

Had open house last wednesday and thurday. Performance went okay. And i think it was quite embarrassing. :/

Stayed till very late in school on wednesday with Hairizad, Lingling, Shimin and Earnest. hahha! omg they call him G-dragon. Funny max. Slacked like crazy. and we waited for Aaron, Syuffan to end their rugby training and went to eat. had fun! :D Reached home like 11pm. super tired.

Thursday got to school damn early. and we only perform once.wts sia! >:( Hanlin and Shawn came to PJC. hahha we wore our training tee cause we had chingay prac on that day. and someone made me angry! >:( Then my whole day damn sian even throughout the training.
Sigh. And my dream last night was about him as well. LOL! it was so nice man! how i wish i didnt wake up. but too bad, he like dont have the bf material. sad. ):

Monday starting school already. ): part of me is excited. Part of me is not. sigh.I miss Missyella and Rachael alot! Always wanna cry whenever i am on my way home or to school. ): why didnt i work hard enough! and i thought about it ytd, if i didnt get into accountancy, i would probably stay in PJC. i think i can do well this year.

Gonna have piano replacement later since thursday i didnt go cause of chingay prac. then going for chingay prac later from 3pm to 11pm!!! @F1 pit. gosh. But can see my eyecandy! so its okay! :DD
Going JP tmr to buy school shoes. :D then ballet. hope kairos programme will be fun! Ending school at 12.30pm on MONDAY! :D hehe and gonna collect my passport before going PA for Chingay prac.

i think thats all. Gonna go out soon!

School

2011-01-12T00:01:00.003+08:00

School have started 2 days for the J2s already.
Sigh i miss studying with Lala and Rach. )': though i kept saying that i am quite glad to be a kairos. Envy that they are graduating this year already. can only blame myself for not working hard enough. ):

Went back to school for open house rehearsal yesterday.
Sigh it was a total waste of time and made me felt so odd and weird okay?!
i totally hate the feeling of being a kairos at times cause people will look at you differently.
got home at like 10pm when i left school at 8pm.
Met Darryl and Benedict on my way to the bus stop. Chat with them and well, their lives seems so well though all of my friends complaint about J2 work. its better than nothing to do. ):
Walked back home under the rain for like half an hour. )': really very very sad.

Applied for JAE at night. if i cant get into one of those choices, then i shall stay in PJC and study. Still contemplating whether to give up SYF or not. maybe shall just go for practice till i get the posting results. ): very scared that i cant get into the course i want.

PJC open house tmr. got to be in school by 10am with Minzie.
Hope it will be smooth and fun. But i dread the dance practice after open house. god damn it! ugh. ):

i really miss being part of 10S18. )':

Happy days.

2011-01-10T13:23:00.005+08:00

Saturday. 8th Jan

Went to F1 Pit early in the morning for chingay rehearsal.
Forgotten to put sunblock! :/
Luckily the sun wasnt like those burning hot. Just bright. So i go tanned! :DD
Haha. I think i will get the tone i want after CHingay. i cant wait for chingay now uh! :D

Then trained till around 4.30pm. i went off to UCC to watch Danzation 2011.
ZOMG. when i went to the toilet to change. I got a shocked. i was like super tanned. and i felt myself burning. But i didnt care. Went down to Clementi and met the rest. Saw Sadiq from pjc one. I guessed he went to watch the concert with his friends too.

DANZATION was DOPE SHIT! omgz. i couldnt even sit well. all those moves. ZOMG. i was like stunned. super nice. AND omg, SOKA SYDC performed too. SAW my cute guy! and he was standing in front. awwww~ cool like hell. i like the nutz crew, NRA crew and SYDC. they are all damn cool. And My dearest FYY & AIJING were freaking hot in their cheerleader costume.

i didnt really enjoy the whole show though due to some... forget it. shall not say. After the show, met ffy they all. :DD

Haha. I LOVE THOSE PICTURES. :D
then to take train with Amani.
Got home at like 1am. Tired like siao. haha.

Sunday stayed at home to rest. cause i was bloody sick. =.=
Kept sneezing and had high fever.
Till like now. its already monday. J2 started school today.
i wonder how is it like. hmm. Somehow, being kairos might be better. :D
Gonna submit my JAE & JPSAE at 3pm sharp later. Applied for TP's Law Management as well. But i really really wanna get into NP's accountancy. its like 1.40pm now. Those taking O level results today must be in school already. Hmm. i kinda feel nervous too. :/
Maybe cause i am applying with them? ugh. this sucks.

Going back to school for open house rehearsal again.
dread it. i guess thats all for now.
Sian day for me cause no Chingay prac. :(

OPEN HOUSE(S) 2011! :D

2011-01-07T23:42:00.003+08:00

SHALL PROMOTE MY CURRENT SCHOOL FIRST.

Saw this on my way to PJC today. i was shocked and went "ZOMG!" hahah.

i couldnt believe that its on the noticeboard at the busstop!

And worst still, got to know from Jenny, Minzie and lingying that its printed on SBS bus.

HAHAH! JOKE.

Dont need advertise also will have people come one uh. LOL.

Hmm went to school for Open House rehearsal today.

Yes, I will be performing for open house. for Modern dance, my cca.

Those interested please come and SMS me that u are coming.

SO that i can bring you guys around. :DD

Okay, overall it was boring.

ZOMG. and awkward at some point of time.

Somehow i felt that i was not welcome.

Guess maybe i think too much.

Cant attend rehearsal on Monday..

cause gonna have Chingay practice and some interview.

Die.

but, wtv.

Then left school and went for poly open house at...

LOL! IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME.
Went with Brandon, Aaron, Hairizad, Shimin, Remus, Yonghao, Shawn and Huihui.

haha. :D

Had our lunch at Makan Place and i saw my darling Rachel Toh selling cookies.

Bought from her cause it was her project.

LOL! 5 Famous Amos cookies = $2.50!

HAHAH! but well... helping her. :)

Then went BA, and school of health sciences.

WTS.those insects SUCKSS! freaking hate them. GROSS.

Then went to eat biscuits in liquid nitrogen. haha.

Brandon and Hairizad damn funny. Nvr eat before. so we played with it! :D

Went convention centre to get free NP shirt.

but we had to shout out a cheer:

N-G DOUBLE-E, A DOUBLE-N!

NGEE ANN *CLAPCLAP*

ABSOLUTELY NGEE ANN!!

haha. we scared paiseh so we joined group with th front people. lol!

i suddenly thought of one for PJC.

P-I-O-N DOUBLE-E-R!

PJC *CLAPCLAP*

AWESOMELY PJ!!

LOL. quite werid uh. ahha.

Hmm. after tht went to find OZIR.

LOl he was there for soccer tournament.

wts, aaron made me damn paiseh in front of them.

so many HONG KAH STUDENTS.

especially my batch one.

omfg.

suppose to be a secret. but now...

never mind.

We went for cca fiesta too.

I am interested in NRA and i am so gonna get in.

but besides that, i am interested in percussion as well.

so if i cant get into NRA,

i will go for...

ZOMG.

ITS.TOTALLY.AWESOME! (Y)

hhaha. Hafizah and Insyrah were inside.

super surprised to see them.

Both of them change. LOL!

Very happy to see old Juying Primary Friends. :DD

Then after that, went Bukit Timah Plaza with Brandon, Aaron and Hairizad to play pool.

Fun like hell.

The last time i went was with Benjamin.

Unhappy memories. Gosh. ugh.

Then today, the table beside us was this group of NP students. they look like year 2s.

Then damn funny! the guy missed the cue.

i laughed till they know! ahaha!

laughing while i type now.

EPIC man! hahah

shall pool with them again! so fun.

Went home and had light dinner.

ON DIET~ ahaha.

Tmr there's Chingay training at F1PIT.

ZOMG. 9am to 6pm.

but i will leave at 4pm cause imma gonna watch

SUPPORTING MY DARLING SYAFIQAH & AIJING. :D

quite excited now. but i shall go sleep. muscles aching from walking too much. lol.needa get up early. so yeah. thats all!

Hope that it will be a good good day and sunny day tmr! :D so that i can tan. teehee.

P.S. PLEASE LET ME GET INTO ACCOUNTANCY & NRA! AMEN. (':

goodnight world.

Fly.

2011-01-06T23:23:00.003+08:00

Back again.
Guess what, slept at 4.35am yesterday. Just nice my brother's alarm rang. wts.
And woke up at like 8am?! >:(
I am freaking tired. i wanna have a good rest. But i cant! freak it. ):
Maybe i should see a doctor. Insomia is getting on my nerves.

Send grandfather back to malaysia this morning.
cause he got business to do overthere.
I am damn sad when i thought of what he said yesterday. About him leaving the world.
I think cause granduncle passed away and made him realised the time too.
i am damn sad now. full of regrets.
why didnt i accompany him more when he is here. ):
i am sad and scared.
I love you grandpa!

Idiot. Have to go to school tmr for open house rehearsal. WTS.
and i have to see those people that i dont wish to see. UGH.
Luckily i meeting my dear Jensi earlier and she gonna revise with me. :D
thanks JENNY!

Planned to go for all poly open houses one okay?! fck.
Stupid PJC.
But never mind, trying to pull people to PJC to see our open house.
ITS ON THE 12TH JANUARY.

Hmm going to NP with remus, yonghao, shawn, lingling, shimin, hairizad and brandon tmr.
I WANNA GET NP SHIRT! ahahah.
then maybe going SP with Weixian and darren. shall text them when i am going.

ugh. shits. somehow i am feeling troubled again.
AM I SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?! lool.
its irritating.
And shopping with mummy tmr night.

Cant wait for Saturday's chingay training and DANZATION@UCC.
Gonna see my awesome babes. @Syafiqah @Aijing.
Teehee.

Shall accompany mum and dad now before i TRY to sleep.

Sleepless Night.

2011-01-06T02:09:00.003+08:00

OMGZ.
I think i needa seek a doctor.
I.AM.FREAKING.HAVING.INSOMIA.!
and imma having gastric now.
just realised i didnt eat anything for the whole day.
ugh.
i think i shall start maybe studying a little tmr.
and i have piano tmr night.
shits.
Didnt practice these 2 weeks!
CHAM. :/

ugh. shall pop a pill and drink and try to sleep.
Punggol is such a lonely, quiet and cold place.
Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad.

But whatever.
I needa SLEEEEP~:(

JLS - Love you more

2011-01-06T01:48:00.003+08:00

okay, i cant get to sleep. feeling super down now. Here's a song i have for tonight. sigh.

Flashbacks of memories = *bangs* MOOD DOWN TO ZERO.

LOVE YOU MORE.JLS

First day that I saw you thought you were beautiful
But I couldn’t talk to you, I watched you walk away
And it felt like I spent all of that second day trying to figure out what it was that I should have said
Third day saw you again, introduced my friend, said all the words I wanted to
On day four and five and six I don’t know what you did, but all I could think about was you

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more
Find myself asking what are you waiting for
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

Days they turn into weeks, that’s how good this has been
Still I can’t believe the way this first year has flown
Still you catch me by surprise, when I look in your eyes
When you turn and say that you love me

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more (and more)
Find myself asking what are you waiting for (what you waiting for)
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

(And more)
Love you more
(And more)
I Love you more
(And more)
I Love you more
Hey hey hey hey

Day one I first laid my eyes on you,
Day two I can’t help but think of you
Day three was the same as day two
Day four I fell in love with you
Day five you spent it with me
Sixth day knocked me off my feet
Day seven that’s when I knew spend the rest of my life with you

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more
Find myself asking (find myself) what are you waiting for (what are you waiting for)
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

Everyday , knowing I’m going to see your face
And that’s enough for me (that’s enough for me)
I want you more and more and more everyday

(And more)
I wanna spend my life with you
(And more)
Everyday learn something new
(And more)
I love you more and more and more everyday

(And more)
Love you more
(And more)
I love you more
(And more)
Love you more

I think i suck at consoling myself. YOU SUCK. D:

Happy Birthday, Azli.

2011-01-06T01:10:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,AZLI.
oh well. you are 18 already.
Personally, i think you wont be here. thats why i post this. (':
Time flies huh. I still remember those times when we were so close. Sec3 onwards?
haha. well, really miss those times. Miss those times, when we sit in canteen, chatting all afternoon. Playing around with cameras. I really made a mistake in accepting you as my bf that time. cause it totally ruin our long term friendship. sigh. but its all in the past.
I know something that i shouldnt in 2010. so i am not feeling guilty anymore.
so now in 2011, you are 18 already. Saw you at Sentosa underwater world that day, but guess its nt fated cause we didnt talk.
really miss you now, as my very good friend. sometimes i hope, we will have the time turn back to sec 3 again, when we chat all day long.

Anyway, just hope you will achieve good results for yourself on the 10th January. At least get into a Poly and maybe i might see you there someday in April. haha. Take care dude of your health. and i hope ur family thing is okay by now.

Best wishes to you my dearest ex-bf and best friend...

下一站，幸福。

2011-01-06T00:02:00.003+08:00

这几天，都失眠了。
不知为什么。是压力吗？自己也好像知道。近来，我想了很多。
２０１０是个很不实际的一年。做了很多的第一次，也做了很多后悔的事。
昨天，我看见了他。突然好想念我们每天发简讯的时候。是多么的有趣。可是，我不知是想念那个他，而是今年我所遇到的每一个“他”。
但今天已经是２０１１了。我不能再走回头路。自己也有１８岁了，到了三月，就会去学驾车。好期待啊！:]

再多一个礼拜就要开学了。应为留级所以好不期待。比自己小一年的同班是什么感觉呢？这样跟在中学读五年有什么两样？咳。。。真闲。１７号不要这么快到啊！这假期玩太多了。好想念表妹表弟们！等待着和他们又一起再去玩～

外公昨晚到新加坡。但应为我迟回，他已经睡了。今天很过失，没什么陪到他老人家。): 突然好像哭。我不应该一直用电脑。要不然，以后真的会后悔。嗨～现在好难过呀！外公，真的很对不起。我明天一定会早起，和你一起吃早餐。。。

这是我第一次用华文莱写博客。感觉好奇怪啊！但也同时觉得很特别~觉得自己好像真的在写出心里的感触。看下次会多用华文吧！
现在真是睡不着，该做什么呢？嗯，我想那点书来读吧！

P.S 我好想念有男朋友的感觉。好想现在把每一个“他”都写出来。D: 我真的曾爱过你们～

2011-01-05T10:52:00.004+08:00

Training yesterday was fun. (:

It was Noel's first day of school as well. He look freaking cute when he is in uniform. Haha.
Went to City Hall at around 4pm. Then bought Gong Cha. I love the gongcha green milk tea. (: After that when to find Hairizad at Marina Square.

Went training at F1 Pit. Saw ShiQi. LOL! :D She couldnt recognize me. haha. Trained till quite late. like OMGZ. super tired. Bought a limited edition green tea. :D haha.

Going to NP this friday.
I cant wait to get out of PJC.
10 Jan the rest that get promoted start school. lol.
and O level graduates get their results.
and for me, i will apply to accountancy.
i hope i get in. (:

Having insomia these few days. Feeling so troubled after seeing you. alot of flashbacks. Ugh. PJC is really a nightmare man. And i needa clarify something.

Missyella, i didnt ask anyone to post those those things on my tagboard. and i am gonna remove them. and i didnt say anything else after to anyone after christmas which means after we talk. that day the message u sent me, i was at sentosa with my cousins. Didnt really know how to reply. and i dont know what to say too. so yeah. Just hope everything is well for you. I sent New Year message to you, but dont know if you recevied. cause alot of my friends didnt get my message. Happy 2011 to you.

I think thats all. Going for chalet soon, hahaha! :D

3.48am!

2011-01-04T03:48:00.002+08:00

This is how i feel now. D': But i shall sleep it off.
Craving for Starbucks - Dark Mocha Frappe! ):

Nat still not asleep. Playing with my itouch.
Confirm cant wake up tmr for school! Gonna force him to sleep!
Goodnight world.

PAYM CHINGAY PRACTICE! :D

2011-01-04T02:46:00.002+08:00

Went for practice a PA HQ today with Hairizad, Lingling, Shimin, Remus, Shawn and Yonghao.

Revised shooting star today. Quite boring. But we used our props. the LED LIGHT SLEEVES!

FREAKING COOOL LIKE CRAZY! ZOMG. I WANNA WEAR IT AGAIN! had fun overall. Gonna practice hard and making to the main performance team. we all are! :D hahahhaha!

Gonna have a rehearsal at F1 Pit tonight.! :D cant wait. Wearing our red shirt and black bottom. Our dress code for tonight, hahha. Meeting them early to practice.

HWAITING EVERYONE! WE CAN MAKE IT! :D 9 MORE PRACTICES TO ACTUAL PERFORMANCE! LET US DO OUR BEST! :DD

love,
Mabby

Best Cousins Forever --- BCF! :D

2011-01-04T01:35:00.008+08:00

Mum's side cousins came over to play! :D for 4days3nights.

YeeHeng,YeeHao - Dayi's sons
ShiHui,ShiMin - 3rd Uncle's daughters

Day 1 - 30th December

Went to school early in the morning to practice Chingay dance with Hairizad and Ling ling. Smuggled Remus and YongHao into school too! haha! :D Practiced till like 10am, Dayi called and i went to Kranji MRT station to fetched them. Bused Back to Punggol. LOL. kept taking photos. Super nice day.

Got home and saw new sofa. It was damn nice. hahha. and so daddy came back too. bathed and went to hougang and have our lunch! :D then brought them to Esplanade there and walk! took alot of photos too.. here are some:

Settled our dinner at Italian Vegetarian stall @ ROMA DELI. super nice! miss the food now. Brought them to Bugis Street to shop. OMG damn alot of things to buy uh. bought quite a few stuffs. :D then cause we were all sleepy. so we went to National Library's highest level. Yee Hao scared till dont dare move. actually i am also quite afraid of heights. D: ahhaa. Took Bus 80 from Bugis back to Sengkang at like 9pm. OMG i thought its a short trip. in the end it took like 1 hour plus. D: but it was a nice experience for them.

Day 2 - 31st December

Decided to go East Coast Park on that day. Daddy took half day leave. So woke up in the morning and had breakfast at home. Mummy and Noel went with us too. Called XiaoYi to bring Marco and WeiJie along. :D so its like super family gathering. Went there, omg i was shocked that xiaoyi had a maid! cool ttm. i want a maid too. ahhaha. Xiaoyi brought beehoon and curry. super nice! :D Cycled after dad came. But my butt damn pain! D: Here are some photos. Love this day the most!

Then in the evening, went to Xiaoyi's house for dinner. Took Yizhang's lorry back. i love sitting at the back of the lorry. damn fun! :D

Mary cooked till very nice. but we decided to go home for countdown. so we left at like 9.30pm. on the way home, i went to buy beer. hahhaah! they actually didnt check cause they say its new year celebration so they give chance. OMG uh. WENT HYPER after that. hahah.

Got home, we all bathed and prepared for countdown. started drinking! hahah! Party all they way~ :D

HAPPY 2011! May All My Wishes Come True. :D Blessed Be.

Day 3 - 1st January 2011

SENTOSA~

Woke up very early at like 8 plus. headache but ate panadol so felt better. Had breakfast then get to know that Dad's side cousins coming. Had a shock and didnt know what to do. They came to our soon and we stayed for a while before i brought my cousins out. the feeling was kinda awkward cause dad's side family also came out to play. but they didnt tell us before hand. so i didnt plan. Saw their dissappointed faces, but i had no choice. so we left for sentosa with my mum's side.

Had GONGCHA early in the morning at VIVO. NICE LIKE CRAZY! ahhaha. and i got tanned from ECP day. Went to Imbiah station first. sight seeing and picture taking. went to USS, bought like chocolate and stuffs. But it started raining. so decided to go for lunch at Koufu and had a walk at the beach. Then dad suddenly called and said they are comin to sentosa too. walao, i shock like crazy. its nt nice to have 2 families mixed tgt. but we waited. then rained very heavily.

So we all decided to go UNDERWATER WORLD. Fucking shit. some people just cant control their anger, give out their faces. very unhappy. Fucking wasted my dad's money. ITS ALMOST $200 SINGAPORE DOLLARS OKAY?! NOT RINGGIT! ugh. =.=! i hope they get to see somethin, if nt i make sure they pay next time. shit it. OMG and i saw AZLI outside Underwater World. Shocked like crazy uh. didnt prepare myself to get to see him again, especially at sentosa. lol! he still didnt really change, as in looks. hmm.

Then dad's side decided to go back msia cause rained non-stop. and then cousins and i went to orchard at night. Went there for dinner and shop! happy mood came back again! :D Here are some photos:

HAHHA! nice pictures right? ((: Went back home quite late and we stayed up the whole night to chat. :D

Day 4 - 2nd January

Woke up quite early and they kept their stuffs. Went in Malaysia and had breakfast near Grandpa's house. Had prata. Very nice. Imma drooling while i am typing. D: It was very nice. Then sent them to 3rd uncle's house. Then stayed for awhile and headed back to Singapore after shopping. LOL!

These few days really very happy. and brought us all closer. They are coming again this month to buy New year clothes and shoes. So am i gonna shop! :D Teeheehee.

Miss them so much now. BCF! <3

Shooting Star, JUMP! :D

2010-12-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

PAYM rocks.

haha. yeap, went for chingay informal training at Youth Park with LingLing, Hairizad, Remus, Yong Hao and Shawn today. :D OMGGGG WE LEARNT ALL THE DANCE ALREADY! WOOOHOO! :D

hmm. super tired today though i slept for the whole day yesterday. gosh. and tmr cousins coming to singapore. bringing them to sentosa the day after next instead cause tmr might be a little rush since imma going to school early in the morning to dance with lingling and zad. haha!

cant wait for 2011! might be going siloso for countdown party since i have the tickets! :DD hehehhehe! PARTYYY! :D

and PS. I DREAD 17th JAN. CAUSE I DONT WANT SCHOOL TO REOPEN! UGH.

寂寞寂寞就好 by 田馥甄 Hebe

2010-12-28T15:51:00.002+08:00

This is my favourite song now. Just kept playing in my head. (':

还是原来那个我
hai shi yuan lai na ge wo
不过流掉几公升泪所以变瘦
bu guo liu diao ji gong shen lei suo yi bian shou
对着镜子我承诺
dui zhe jing zi wo cheng nuo
迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容
chi zao wo hui hai zhe zhang lian yi tui xiang rong
不算什么爱错就爱错
bu xuan shen me ai cuo jiu ai cuo
早点认错早一点解脱
zao dian ren cuo zao yi dian jie duo
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
zhe shi hou shei dou bie lai an wei yong bao
就让我一个人去痛到
jiu rang wo yi ge ren qu tong dao
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好
shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao si bu liao jiu hai hao
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
我就不相信我会笨到
wo jiu bu xiang xing wo hui ben dao
忘不了赖着不放掉
wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
人本来就寂寞的借来的都该还掉
ren ben lai jiu ji mo de jie lai de dou gai huan diao
我总会把你戒掉 Oh WU Oh
wo zhong hui ba ni jie diao oh wu oh
还是原来那个你
hai shi yuan lai na ge ni
是我自己做梦你又改变什么
shi wo zi ji zuo meng ni you gai bian shen me
再多的爱也没用
zai duo de ai ye mei yong
每个人要每个人的孽障因果
mei ge ren yao mei ge ren de nie zhang
会有什么什么都没有
hui you shen me shen me dou mei you
早点看破才看得见以后 OH
zao dian kan po cai kan de jian yi hou OH
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
这时候谁来都别来安慰拥抱
zhe shi hou jing lai dou bie lai an wei yong bao
就让我一个人去痛到
jiu rang wo yi ge ren tong dao
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好
shou bu liao xiang dao kuai feng diao si bu liao jiu hai hao
我寂寞寂寞就好
wo ji mo ji mo jiu hao
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
ni zhen de bu yong lai wo hui yi li wei xiao
我就不相信我会笨到
wo jiu bu xiang xing wo hui ben dao
忘不了赖着不放掉
wang bu liao lai zhe bu fang diao
人本来就寂寞的我总会把你戒掉
ren ben lai jiu ji mo de wo zhong hui ba ni jie diao

Sad Christmas.

2010-12-28T15:15:00.003+08:00

It was suppose to be a fun Christmas in Bangkok.

Flew there on 24th morning. Went to Arnoma hotel and swam. haha. It was super long since the last time i swim. (: then had christmas party at ballroom that night. Freaking gosh! SOME COLLEGE IN LONDON went there for DANCE competition. AND THERE WAS THIS FREAKING CUTE BALLET BOY! ♥ hehe. Then on Christmas, we went on tour together with them! :D OMFG, BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! hahaha. Went shopping at night market, but i couldnt find rings!! D: so i got like cute little cups and cute key chains for my friends. ): hope they dont mind.

Back at hotel, wanted to plan for another night shopping so that i can buy more stuffs and wanted to give a little surprise for my mum cause it was her birthday, but a call came. My dad answered and i heard everything. 11.55am, 5 mins before christmas ends. 5 mins before my mum's birthday. My granduncle passed away. It was too sudden. i was stunned. The last time i saw him was in June when i went back to Malaysia to visit my grandfather. he was there. )': then my mum started crying at 12am sharp. )'': i didnt dare to wish her happy birthday.

Dad ordered tickets to Malaysia for the next day. and so we flew off. Went to grandmother's house to stay. First night of the funeral i didnt go. Cause dad's side cousins came over to grandma's house. then we watched THE CHILD'S EYE 童眼. it was freaking scary at first, but after knowing the background story, it was okay. then watched 小孩。狗 on channel U too. freaking nice. very touching as well.

The next day, i went to the funeral. i didnt dare to see the body. ): but in the end, i went to see. wanted to cry. but i held back. my mum's side cousins were all there too! chat with them while we fold the incense paper! Folded the whole day! both hands were red! then at night. ZOMFG! I TOTALLY CANT IMAGINE WHAT I SAW! 35 tables full of gangsters. those gang heads! freaking gosh. after that then i got to know that my granduncle is one of the gang head too! Some were quite young, a few quite handsome but they were scary! then we went to chant, i kept laughing cause the monk actually spoke in English, cause he thought we dont know chinese.! hahahha bloody hell, then he asked me to stop laughing!

Then it was those gangsters turn to kowtow to my granduncle. OMFG. THEY SANG THOSE BROTHERHOOD SONG. though its all in hokkien, but it was really touching. they actually cried! ): all of us tear cause of that too. i really really admire their brotherhood. REAL gangsters are cool. i guess those other families beside ours were kinda shocked. then that night had to come back to singapore to sleep cause Nat had to attend school for NCC. So this morning, was the day of cremation. ): woke up quite early and went in to malaysia.When we reached, the rest were chanting already. so we joined in.

at around 9.30am. the ritual started. When the monk asked us to go and take a look at my dead granduncle for the last look, i cried. Its always the worst part of the whole funeral. ): then we had to walk a distance barefooted behind the coffin. at that point of time, everyone was crying. i couldnt take it, so i started crying too. My aunt kept shouting for him. ): Even my male cousins cried. The worst part was when the coffin was pushed in. couldnt control my tears. ): I hate cremation. but cause my granduncle lost his wife long ago and hence no offspring. so this is the better way.

Life is so unpredictable. Really hate it when loved ones leave. We have to treasure those beside us. Help one another no matter what. sigh. Bless my granduncle to have a better afterlife.

老四舅！你慢慢走。我们会永远记得你，你放心地走。放心地去西边。愿你下世会更好，祝福你。

Cant bring him back to life, so all i can do is to chant for him and bless him.

Alright, 2011 is coming. really hate this year alot. Its a year full of regrets. sigh. nothing can be done. i just have to be positive and look forward, working hard to have a better 2011.

Cousins will be coming over to singapore for holiday in a few days time. Looking forward. thats all. i guess i needa nap now. really tired.

P.S I JUST KNEW THAT I HAVE A 4 YEARS OLD, FREAKING CUTE, CHUBBY, WHITE WHITE, HALF JAPANESE COUSIN! TEEHEHEHE. THE WAY HE SPEAKS JAPANESE, OMFG, I JUST CANT STOP SMILING AT HIM! :D CUTE TTM~!

Travel

2010-12-21T20:40:00.002+08:00

HELLO! :D

back back! such a boring day today. D:

Mummy said MELBOURNE this morning. and daddy said yes. So it was a MELBOURNE then HONGKONG then BANGKOK trip. So we went and called up the travel agent. OMFG but guess what! ): NO MORE AIR TICKETS FOR THIS DEC!

freaking sad okay?! sigh. so we will be going back malaysia for a week i guess then hk then bk. i really feel like quitting school already. working and shopping make me feel like going to poly more.

And anyway, since my uncles are in melbourne, actually i feel like migrating. its like more fun! (:

i shall go search for colleges in aussie first. (: cause i just have to attend just a year of college then uni! :D hehehe. much much easier. okay shall go search now. :D

TO MISSYELLA

2010-12-19T23:06:00.003+08:00

Oh well. All explanations done.

very tired of it now. i know about your sickness and stuffs. i understand, thats why i have been trying. you are really thinking too much. and your blog post. i really dont know. you are really thinking too much. all that you have said in ur last post "Disappear". NONE OF IT IS WHAT I HAVE SAID. i really dont wish to tell you what i have heard, cause its gonna bring everything down again.

Your sickness, i have tell no one. i just hope u can persevere cause EVERYTHING that has happened now, is cause of THAT! and i freaking hate ur pri sch friend that mock you to cause u to be like that. AND ONE THING FOR SURE, I WONT EVER FUCKING MOCK YOUR SICKNESS! OKAY?!!!!

last but not least, i think ending this friendship cause of misunderstandings? a bit not worth moreover we had lots of wonderful memories which i wont forget. to be frank, i dont wanna loose you as a friend. i have never had the idea of ditching you ever since the start of the year, when you and rach hated me.

And stop saying what i should just hang out with rachael and the rest of my friends.

i know its childish saying this. but true enough "once friend, forever a friend". you yourself know that from ur sec sch experience. i am not saying that i know 100% about you. but ya, this is what i know from what you had shared with me before and what i have read.

i shall not say more cause it will only cause more misunderstandings. all i want you to know is, i have never every scolded you a whiny bitch and i have never ever treated you badly.

Whatever it is, we shall talk face to face. not just me and you. Rachael as well.

so for now, enjoy ur holidays first while i enjoy mine.

Missyella Oktaviana.

2010-12-19T18:24:00.003+08:00

Okay fine. shall end it here then since you posted it out.

People said you badmouthed about me. Okay and i just let it go cause i really treated you sincerely and i didnt wanna believe. But when we were doing OREPC, sorry i heard it. And as a friend, you should just at least asked where we go. and I was deployed to other counter, is not that i deliberately walked away. But i saw you happily talk to tomio, even tell him that WE left you out when actually the fact is i was deployed to other place..YOu didnt even bother to ask where did we go. During lunch they say go in 5s. and since you were with the rest, happily chatting away of course we dont disturb you. and when i am good to you, i am fuking not acting!

Your secret i kept it all to myself. I didnt even tell Rachael when we were quarelling. And OH PLEASE, the WHINY BITCH! it wasnt even me who said it. and PLEASE you asked people to check on me. Fuck i was damn pissed about that okay?! who the hell check on friends especially when we used to be so close. i trusted you. And you were the one who broke my trust right after you ask Valentine to freaking check on me when i wasnt even talking about you!

I really tried to help you with your sickness. You thought that you are the only one who shed tears for me or did alot for me?! MY GOSH. do you know whatever you say hurt me?! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING WORD YOU SAY! and also ur actions. Do you know it was so hard to even smile to you after all you had done?! but why did i appear okay! cause i thought that we were friends and thats why i tried to freaking cheered up! and you, you just accused me for all you can when you didnt even get to know what had happened?! how you tried to hint me?! why dont you tell me?!

YOu can ask the others, if i had cared for you! I FUCKING DID OKAY?! Race day, i am fucking pissed off. I dont know why the hell are you acting that way. I didnt even leave you out! i tried my best trying to even ask why are you like that! i help you take whistle and you just gave me attitude.! why the hell did you say that you didnt feel welcome. i think you are thinking too much. IF i didnt want you to do, would i even fucking tell you to contact weihao?! for god sake, use your brains!!!!!! And you love running, everyone knows okay?! everyone were shocked that you didnt run!! and you know what, if i really didnt want you to do volunteer, bloody hell, would i even tell the leader that we will be sticking together as a group and let the other volunteers go to other place?!

and you thought you know me well too? no you dont. I know you are those who want just a good friend who can hear you out. Fuck and you dont know that i cant just stick to one? Now i tell you, i am one who cant just stick to one or two friends. Best friends? idk. i treat everyone the same. except those i find annoying or i hate!

when i got left out by you earlier this year, all i did was to try and know more about you guys. i was thick skin even though it was so fucking obvious that to others even no in our class ones knew that you guys hated me!!! i kept going back to my sec sch friends cause i know you guys dont welcome me. but i tried. i fucking tried.!

You can post about me, and why cant i?! i didnt even fucking state your name! whatever it is.

i am just angry with you. cause you didnt even try to clear misunderstandings when you knew problems were coming up! (and when i dint notice) . i admit that i am not those super caring ones. but i do know, i dint treat you badly!

Fuck.

and PS i am not RATHER have many good friends. its good to have many good friends. those who will stand by you. I am not those who will forget old friends. i just wanna tell you, please use correct words. if not, you will FUCKING HURT people!!!!!!

Meeting friends. :D

2010-12-18T01:05:00.006+08:00

It has been very long since i last posted.
Many things happened this 2 weeks - HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY & DISAPPOINTMENT.

Shall start with Standard Chartered CIP. REPC was fun @ EXPO. Way more fun than OREPC @ MARINA. Of course, OREPC was okay, is just that, HEARD THINGS that totally made me went MAD & DISAPPOINTED. Seriously whats wrong?! And you went to tell others about me?! oh my gosh, really. ugh, Same thing happened when we went for the route marshall CIP @F1 Pit. Went with Weihao, Reuben, Jensi, Jiaen and my clique. It was alright at first, fun, happy & excited. But i seriously dont know what went wrong?! Can you like just stop making everyone's mood down. freaking frustrated with you that day! its like without reason and you threw a freaking bomb! At least tell us the reason why and not just show it out. it affects EVERYONE. but when we were doing our duty, Jiaen, Jensi, Rachael, Reuben and I were having a little fun. Got quite dizzy cause we had to walk to and fro the Fort Canning Tunnel. SCMS ended on the 5th Dec and i get to know new cool friends as well. ((:
CIP HOURS -- NEAR 50 HRS OVERALL ( REPC,OREPC & EVENT DAY )

Then had my YNDA concert on the following tuesday! :D It was damn fun and i think went quite well. Darryl, Aaron, Hairizad and Rachael came! HEHE THANK YOU GUYS FOR YA SUPPORT! really had fun. then went to MAC after performance to grab some supper. Was super hungry. Then Hairizad's uncle came to fetch all of them. so left me alone and it was around 12++. His uncle actually turned back to wait for my mum to come. Really really appreciated it! :DD

Next, Sentosa ZOUKOUT! on Saturday 11th dec. Hehe. My friend gave me free ticket. :D and i went. It was freaking fun okay?! minus out the sight of people making out and puking. *GROSS* Then stayed till like next day 5am like that then go home. :D

Sunday went for SuQi's wedding lunch. It was damn nice. The cereal prawn. OMG cause we sat with JinXian they all. thats why the adults thought we can eat! IN THE END, WE ATE LIKE 4 TABLES of CEREAL PRAWNS! OMG now i quite sick of it.

HMM. then MONDAY and TUESDAY! went to sentosa with BALLET FRIENDS & SCHOOL DANCE FRIENDS! <3>

MONDAY!

TUESDAY!

here are only some pictures! :D FACEBOOK have more.
haha.

Okay, then Thursday, went for work @ Raffles.
its another fun day.
Went to help Daren out cause he needed help.
Then i asked Jiaen, Jiayee, Jastine and Darren to go with me.
It was quite happy and fun. Jastine and I slack alot!
Omg then around evening theres like TYPHOON! gosh.
The tentages like going to fly away sia! we had to hug on to it so that it wont fly.
and we look so funny! embarrassed ttm!
and i love my "COCKROACH" phone. seriously damn CUTEEEEE! D:
cant tahan.

Friday which was yesterday. Had Metro SIF @ Causeway Point.
I did as a reserve. hahhaha! :D it was still okay quite boring.
and i made a new friend. ( SELL NESPRESSO one )
hahahahaha. i hope to see him on 23rd dec too!
My HONG KONG trip postpone and i am going to THAILAND! WOOOOOHOOOOOO! :DDD

Today, daddy came back.
He bought loads of chocolates from Dubai.
:D damn nice.
i think thats about it.

ITS CHRISTMAS NEXT WEEK! I CANT WAIT! TEEHEEHEEE!

HOPE DADDY GETTING PRESSIES FOR ME! :D

Red Carpet.

2010-11-30T00:52:00.002+08:00

Its my 300th post. :D
Attended Aunt's wedding yesterday.
She was damn pretty & happy. I cried when they sang some songs to thank my grandparents.
Food yesterday was totally AWESOME but i didnt get to eat all cause i was too full.

Man i feel like marrying too. D:
I kept thinking. I wore till as though it was prom ytd. hahhaha!
i didnt have a prom when i was in Hong Kah Secondary. So whenever occasions allow, i will do that. :D
Be happy with myself.

Performance in 8 more days. D:
I am freaking scared. not prepared.
sigh.
have to do my best show for myself and my friends.
Want them to enjoy.

Going Bugis/Town with pearl pearl tmr to shop for costume.
and its 1am already and i still haven sleep.
just had a chat with tom & hanxin.
too bored. LOL!

to FI:
Sigh, i miss you man.
Really really miss you.
Afterall, you had done so much things for me & surprises me.
i really dont know why am i feeling this way.
Somehow i think everything started and ended too fast.
i know i am selfish but i hope someday you will step into my life again. )':
why must it be you. really. D:
there's one more time i have to face. its gonna hit me real hard. how i wish i will be your partner.

i think thats all.
danced whole day.
tired already.
shall go to bed after chatting with RACHAEL since she just msn me with her BLACKBERRY! =.=
hahahahha!
ciaos

Freedom..?

2010-11-27T01:22:00.003+08:00

Have been really busy for the past week.

Dancing and dancing EVERYDAY.

i am doing this till like 7th December. D:

Needa get myself in shape by next week.

This Sunday is Aunt's Wedding in SG.

Went all the way to Jurong Point just now with mum and dad.

went to get my dress and heels and bag.

hahhaha!

cost me 300 bucks in total.

wts right?!

macam PROM sia.

hahhahhahaha.

but oh well.

my heels are getting higher each year.

i cant wait for CIP either.

both standard chartered and Metro SIF.

And actually staying in the Northeast is FREAKING COOL OKAY?!

hahahhahahah!

But the only 2 problems i have is.

I HATE TRAVELLING NOWW SERIOUSLY!

&....

I FREAKING HATE MISSING THE LAST TRAIN!!

the train service ends too early. D:

so troublesome sia.

zzz.

Cant go out too late.

Must check out the bus services soooon!

i think thats all uh.

& i freaking needa decide soon whether to leave or not to leave.!

BIG SIGH! D:

Behind THE SMILE is what we call, SADNESS.

2010-11-24T00:20:00.004+08:00

It has been a week since i shift.

Travelling to school is a CHORE! 1.5hours! D:
Didnt really miss Jurong, i dont know why.
Prolly cause i was too busy all along. sigh.

My weekends were fun. :D
SSCM OREPC @Expo with
Hairizad, Cheryl, LingLing, Salleh, YanJuan, Brandon, Joel, Vivian, Beatrice and Aaron and the leader, ShiQi.
It was really enjoyable.
& of course i got to know new friends too.
Ben&Jerry FREE for 3 days straight!
It was quite an embarrassing day on Sunday though.
cant say till too detailed.
hahaha.
if not this post will be damn long.

Then went to Katong on Saturday.
TeoHeng.
LOL!
it was cheap. $4 for 3 hours! hahaha.
shall go there again.

All these fun make me dont feel like leaving PJC.
but still i guess i will still apply for poly and see how.

Being a retainee,
only those who retained or retained before in JC will know how we kairos feel.
those who are not,
just shut the FUCK UP & FUCK OFF.
& dont say u know how we feel.

i guess i will just study a little this holidays when i am free.
cause quite busy with concert nowadays.
then it will be CIPs and during Christmas, i will be in HONGKONG! :DD

As of today.
WHAT THE F.
Seriously.
Fucked up day.
i kept being reminded of all THEM.
ALL.and i really meant ALL.
what ever i see, whatever i hear, all related.
Fuck seriously.
i feel so sucky.
and so i went to town alone.

there are some things i dont wish to say.
cause i think its unnecessary.
Hope tmr will be a better day since its the last day of school.
I can sense boredom coming.

PS. I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU CAN REFLECT,
and FUCKING GET YOURSELF STUDYING BITCH.
YOU DONT DESERVE ME AS YOUR FRIEND.
JUST FUCKING SHUT YOUR FUCKING ASS UP & GET YOUR WORK DONE.
YOU SERIOUSLY NEEDA CHANGE,
NOT ONLY FOR ME, BUT FOR YOURSELF BITCH.
GET A LIFE.
THOUGH I RETAINED, BUT FUCK YEAH, I GOT OUT OF IT.

its just someone that pissed me off nowadays.
fucking hate it.
k i shall stop here.
Eyes closing.
and i am really sad.

SADNESS FILLS ME.
INDESCRIBABLE.
SO EVERYONE,
JUST STOP STABBING ME.
I CANT TAKE IT.
EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN.

SHALL SLEEP OF MY PAIN NOW
as i cry all out.
all alone in my room...

tears.

2010-11-17T01:50:00.003+08:00

Tearing behind my smile & laughter.

Its 2am now.
i cant freaking sleep.
i am lost, i dont know where to go.

okay i shall rant out how i feel now.
cause i cant help,
but just keep staring at friends' blog and cry.

i dont know is it cause i think too much or what.
i guess it doesnt make any difference if i leave 10S18.
sometimes, i really envy people from other classes.
they are all so bonded.
so i guess leaving PJC makes no difference too.

Our class people only talk about how sucky our class was.
which teacher is following up with them.
hope to change CT! cus she sucks to the core.
everyone excited about who is joining 10s18 next year.
and i am here thinking, 11s?? or Poly.
I dont even know if i can get into the course i want in poly.

REALLY,
i am sad inside.
deep down inside me,
i feel like killing myself.
all those happy conversations i had with my friends,
are all fake.
i dont feel happy at all.
i feel so dumb.

i wasted my time & money this year.
2010 = bad year.

why?!
all i can do in the day is just hiding.
and when its all dark,
i started feeling tired & sad.
sad till i kept crying.
This is the 3rd day.

what should i do?
i really dont feel like going to PJC anymore.
its pains to see my class, my friends.
worst still, i have to talk to them & even laugh and be cheerful to hide my sadness.

i dont know if every kairos is feeling this way or is it just me?
i guess cause i have never failed till so badly in my life.
A girl like me, who used to top everything no matter in academic or dance.
ACTUALLY HAD TO RETAIN ANOTHER YEAR IN PJC!
Joke right?

haha.
i really have nothing to say.
Just hope everyone else in 10S18 do well for their A Levels next year.
seriously,
how i wish i can say what Hairizad said to his class happily,
"Thank you 10S18 for being part of my life in 2010!"
But that will never happen i guess.
Its the end of 2010 academic year next week.
last week of being part of 10S18.

Bye 10S18.
Bye Lala.
Bye Rachael.
Bye suckiest teacher.
Bye PJC...

2010-11-16T20:53:00.001+08:00

PACKING LIKE CRAZY FOR THE WHOLE DAY.
CONTINUE PACKING NOW.
IMMA TIRED!

My Weekend

2010-11-16T20:20:00.007+08:00

Went back to Malaysia for Aunt's Wedding Lunch. :D hehehe.
This is what i did. :D

My Cousin & I
She is younger than me & so damn pretty & Skinny!
My AUNT (finally married) :D

The newly Weds.

Me & my uncle ( 12yrs older only) :D

4th Uncle.
The TRIOS.
we grew up tgt.
Me & Cousin (Yeehao)

MOVING ON TO...
FOOOOOOD!
I only ate a little. BUT I WAS DAMN FULL!

THE WEDDING CAKE! :D

There's another wedding dinner in Singapore for my aunt 2 weeks later
And i am going to be the bride's maid.
HEHE! :D SHALL WEAR MY DKNY DRESS!
& I WILL BE TAKING ALOT OF PHOTOS! :D
hahahahaha.

i wanna get married too!

2010-11-16T17:01:00.002+08:00

I am feeling really sad.

Went to school yesterday to receive my results.
I really didnt want to go. ):

Teacher called out my name.
i smiled to Rach & Lala.
I was sort of prepared but still not well prepared enough to face it.

All i did was laugh and smile.
i performed okay without letting others know that i am sad.
Even had a little lunch with Rach & her friends.
and even had icecream with lala.

Worst thing was i have to stay in school from 12.30 to 5.30pm for dance.
i really covered myself well untill i received the results for OGL.

i didnt get in.
i think is cause CT hated me.
I was freaking sad okay.
really sad.
till i couldnt take it.
Ran out during break for dance and started crying out.

HOW?!
nothing in that school interest me anymore.
i dont feel like staying in it.
):

I dont know where to go now.
POLY or NEW JC?
or existing one?

Got home & got yelled at.
i locked myself in the room & cried for the whole night
cause i promised someone not to go out.
i am really very sad.

Slept till almost 12pm today.
and still sad.
Packed my stuffs till now.

Sigh.
i really dont know what to do.
i feel like just leaving school and start working.
but thats not a choice.

i still need time.
i cant give an answer in such a short time.
definitely not by next Monday.
sigh.

HATE GROWING UP!
F.IT

2010-11-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

RELAXING DAY! :D

Woke up super late today & had to rush to school.
luckily daddy no work,
sent me to school.

Handed in our GPF!
I WAS FREAKING HAPPY OKAY! :D
hahahah.
FINALLY, END OF HELL!

then i stayed in school till like 1.30pm doing up Dance Banner. ):
No one help me. ):

But never mind, it was a nice alone-time.
Alan did accompany me for 40mins. :D
before that Rachael accompanied me too.

ahahahh.
Then called daddy.
he say bring us to EAST COAST PARK!
I was freaking happy! :D

So went suntanning! teehee.
Accompanied Noel to build sand castle.
Long time didnt spend such quality time with them already.
Really really LOVE my family alot! :')

Monday is the VERDICT day.
was quite scared and sad too, till i cried.
but i shall not bother about it.
shall spend my weekend happily.

Might be going to Malaysia for Wedding dinner this Sunday.
But i have dance.
so see how.

SUCH a happy day.
and i love my tanned skin now. :D

Things to do tmr:

Piano lesson
Swimming with Nat,Noel & Dad
Ballet with PEARL PEARL!
Pack my stuffs!

2010-11-12T01:38:00.004+08:00

FREEDOM!

Its 2am now and i am blogging again.

Had my OP today.

I was freaking nervous okay?
I screwed up my Q&A.
Freaking tough. )':
i wanted to just cry after everything.
but sigh its all over.
Just done editing my I&R.
have to go to school tmr to just hand in my GroupProjectFile.

But I AM FINALLLLYYY FREEEE FROM PWWWWW! :DD
FREAKING HAPPY OKAY?!!
CANT DESCRIBE! :D

After OP, went home to bathe and change and went BUGIS with lala.
and we found them! :D

SHOPPED like crazy.
should say window shopping with Lala at Bugis street and Bugis Junction.
Had my lunch & ICECREAM! :D (craving died)

It was freaking nice okay?! hahahah
Then we had a birthday celebration for Vivian! :D
Haha.!
i didnt know of the plan until jastine told me.

I LOVE THE CAKE SERIOUSLY except for the whip cream. eww.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCED VIVIAN! :D
& ENJOY UR TRIP TO CHINA!

so boring, i regretted not signing up for Xiamen trip instead. ))))':
if not i can camwhore more with Jiaying, Vivian, Jastine, Charlotte, Eunice & Yinghui.
damn hell sad now. )))))':

After that i went of for dance.
i swear i was damn tired and sick.
was having a fever till now.
& my freaking eyes is damn red. )):

Hurt my ankles while dancing and now throat pain like crazy.
what is wrong with me seriously?!
having BAD LUCK?

sigh...

alright shall go to bed now.
freaking tired.
sweetest dreams to all.

P.S. imma shifting house next week already. a bit lazy to shift but ya. no choice.
i will miss jurong. seriously D:

2010-11-10T09:14:00.003+08:00

Okay i got what you mean.

cause you say you hated kpop, so we thought you wouldnt be interested in watching the show with us.

its not on purpose you see.

time will slowly cover this i hope.

and now just prepare for OP as we only left with a day.

i am feeling so unprepared too cause of my group.

but ya. all the best, and we shall talk after OP.

2010-11-09T22:27:00.002+08:00

I am feeling very vexed right now.

and i am freaking having a high fever.

i dont know what to say and dont know what to do.
i am very afraid of my OP on thurs!

freak it.
i shall go prac now.

feel like dying right now.

YES, RIGHT NOWW!

2010-11-09T17:17:00.002+08:00

Was thinking alot on the train to school today.

Why do i have to go through this every single time with my best friend?

First time was with Jingrui during PSLE's year
Then it was with my clique during O level's year.
Then now?

though we got even closer and better after all these shit,
but still it sucks.

argh whatever now.
if i am leaving JC,
then good.
as i will be shifting,
so can just throw all unhappiness i had in PJC behind.
and move on to a new environment again.

if i am not,
then i have to clear up this stupid shit.

fuck okay.
and my group.
fuck it.
they thought they are awesome in presenting.
but they are totally wrong.

now my confidence is shaken.
i got to practice tonight.
just keep reading and memorising.
luckily mine is short.
i heck care about the rest already.

i dont want them to say cause its my fault.
thats all.

mood totally spoilt!
FUCK.

2010-11-08T21:28:00.002+08:00

Thats my LOVELY childhood friend, PEARLYN CHAN! :D

i missed her so much.
it has been a year since we really chat.

She is coming back!
and she is gonna dance with me again.
i am seriously damn damn happy okay!

I LOVE YOU PEARL.
cant wait to see you this weekend!

and i caught up with weiling as well.
gosh.
i felt that my life is complete once again. :D

after ballet today,
i feel so happy.
really cant explain. :D
i am once again meeting all my darlings!

and to my new bestie, Missyella:

hey babe.
i am so sorry for being such a bitch nowadays.
i am really stressed up by all the workload and groupmates.
plus my ex's accident.
felt my world went crashing.
i am so sry alright.
didnt mean to hurt you.
hope we will be talking and hanging out again soon.
& please relax for ur OP.
i am sure you will do well. :D
All the best!

To Rachael:

BABE!
please take care.
ur match is coming up!
and all the best for your OP too.
i feel like supporting you there, but it will be weird.
so yeah.
see how ya!

i think thats all.
going to do my OP soon after bathing.
so yup! :D

shall blog tmr. ^^
God bless all my beloved friends and family!

2010-11-08T16:44:00.002+08:00

Going for dance in awhile.

i am sick again...
seriously damn suckish.
OP on thursday and here i am almost voiceless.

feel like dying. ):
15th nov coming soon.
PJC/NP?
how?!

and PEARL is coming back for dance!
my lovely childhood darling!
love her sooo much! :D

cant wait to see her. so much stuffs to update her.
one whole year of things that happened.
mostly bad for me.

while i am typing, i already feel like crying.
PEARLYN CHAN! i miss you sooo much. )))':

okay i think thats all for now.
shall update tmr or later if i needa blog to vent out what i feel.

hope rumours dont spread.

2010-11-08T16:41:00.002+08:00

AIYAAAAA!

I THINK I WILL JUST WRITE TO YOU!

CAN YOU JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHY ARE YOU PISSED WITH ME OR DISAPPOINTED WITH ME OR WHATEVER!

ITS REALLY ANNOYING.

IF ITS ABOUT MY EX'S ACCIDENT THAT I DIDNT TELL YOU, I AM SORRY OKAY. ITS CAUSE AT THAT POINT OF TIME I AM REALLY BUSY AND UPSET ABOUT IT.

IF ITS CAUSE I ATE WITH RACH THAT DAY, I'M SORRY. CAUSE YOU WERE DOING YOUR WORK.

K I KNOW I SUCK AT ALL THESE. BUT STILL. JUST LET ME KNOW THE REASON! IF YOU HAPPENED TO READ ALL THESE POSTS.

2010-11-08T14:26:00.004+08:00

So what do you want now?

i tried talking to you.

ugh. i've tried already okay!

seriously...

sigh i cant do much if you just keep going away..

2010-11-07T20:15:00.003+08:00

SHIT.
i am freaking pissed off.
with almost everyone now! >:(

FEEL LIKE TEARING PAPERS!
pissed till i am tearing.

I HATE IT.

i guess i'm just jealous of them.

why is it that guys that i know/met
turn out to be a total JERK.
and whenever they meet my friends,
they will become some goodie goodie.
whatthefreak.
i cant take it anymore.

ALL GUYS,
JUST BE A GENTLEMAN IF NOT GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
DONT COME AND DISTURB ME!

all i need is just peace.
okay?
dont make me into some shit,
when everything happened and then blame onto me.

i am not god,
i cant solve things alright!?!?!!

2010-11-07T19:17:00.002+08:00

ONE DAY!
i am going to be on that stage like her.

i am going to work my way through to be a professional dancer.
I am going to be an unlimited dancer whereby i can do all genres of dance.

thats my dream,
no one can stop me.
not even my injuries.

Hang on Mabel,
you can!

Woke up at 12.10pm today.
wts i slept for like more than 12 hours.
i hated the feeling.
like i wasted my whole day! ):

then i watched this show - shaolin girl
Its about her dreams as well.
like spreading shaolin kungfu in her hometown - Japan.
i was really touched by her.

and thats when i set my dreams on road again.
(:
Went of for contemp.
did alot of floorwork which then involved in using arm's strength.
Pain like hell.

But i hang it on till end of lesson.
and i did it! :D

i must recover fast before performance.
aiming to get the role for Angel item.

i can!
and i must.

2010-11-06T13:34:00.000+08:00

I AM BORED! :O

woke up like damn early in the morning for piano.
gosh.

then went home to prepare.
went to find bro to swim then go clark quay with him.
but half way there, he told me he going with his friends.
i was f.pissed!

then decided to go home.
damn.
its already like 1.40pm!
dance at 3.45pm.
sian.

i am tired.
but i cant sleep.
so i am going to rewatch street dance now.

sigh.
such a boring day.

god damn it! ARGHHHHHHH!

i wanna gooooo outtt!

2010-11-05T22:55:00.002+08:00

RELIEVED & HAPPY!

My friend is awake! :D

i am sooo happy.

i cried in joy!

Thank god, seriously!

and i wanna thank my friends who stood by me when i am feeling suckish these days.

i love you guys alot! :D

i seriously seriously feel so touched.

and i shall have a good rest tonight.

but sadly i injured my arm. D':

cant wait for next week to end.

cause its the end of PW as well. :D

and i am ordering tickets for the performance alr.

please confirm with me by SUNDAY latest.

if any of you want to watch! :D

2010-11-05T20:38:00.003+08:00

Wanted to go for movie today. but in the end didnt go.
cause i injured myself. ):

Sprained my arm.

sigh.
i just cant do my things well these few days.
another 6 more hours again.
i hope he will wake up soon,
i hope i will receive the call soooon.

please god,
i am really praying very hard now. ):

2010-11-05T10:55:00.002+08:00

Got home at 5.45am and i woke up late!

ｌａｔｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｄａｎｃｅ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ！):

i think i will be going to town for movie later!

2010-11-05T10:00:00.003+08:00

i seriously dont know what happened..

i was really pissed off because when i try talking to you nowadays you just ignored?

and is only that day that i posted that i was pissed with you.

other times is @ you know. ( not okay to say here )

what i tell rach is also what i told you before.

seriously, i cant explain much either.

its quite sad to hear that you asked someone to check on my acct.

everyone gets pissed off sometimes.

its not like i am pissed off with you because of what, i hate you or whatsoever.

i seriously get very annoyed when you just ignore me when i talk to you.

i dont know uh, i have totally no mood.

last week was ROngjie kept stressing me about PW.

Then this week is the accident thing..

i dont know what to do either.

just want to tell you, i've tried my best to be a good friend but idk. is whether you wanna accept it or not.

i cant say much, its just, got hurt thrice.

2010-11-03T22:10:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling so lonely, scared and lost.
i need someone to comfort me now.
like now.
i am scared.

i am afraid of the feeling that i might lose someone.
i am scared...
really scared...

2010-11-03T21:46:00.002+08:00

my ex is in the emergency room now.
met an accident.

received a text from my best friend when i was on the train.
and i almost collapse on the spot.
whatthefreak.

why did i feel so scared?
please dont leave me.

i rushed all the way to hospital cause i hope to see you get well.
PLEASE STAY STRONG.
please. )':

i am going to school from hospital tmr morning.
fcuking no mood alr still needa do PW.

i cant say out who because my best friend say it will affect thousand of people.
as they are taking their O levels.

PLEASE STAY STRONG.
i'll be there for you if you need me.
i'm just right outside waiting for you.
you will be fine after surgery...

):

Images of the days we spent together happily just keep flashing in my head now.
your two most important person is outside waiting.
hang on.

2010-11-02T23:15:00.003+08:00

All i did today was just basically nothing.
Quite unlucky today! )':

Woke up late,
then ezlink card got problem with the GIRO.
so had to use coins.
used a DOLLAR coin to go to school from lot1.
seriously, i wanted to cry.

Then got to school and met Jensi.
Talked to her before going to class.
went to toilet to tie my hair, and guess what.
MY F.LAPPY JUST HIT MY HIP BONE!
& AN IMMEDIATE BLUE-BLACK CAME OUT!

all i wanted to do was to cry.
then 8.20am, went up to J2-48 for OGL interview.
i was so freaking nervous when one of them came out and said,
"WTF, THEY MADE ME SING,DANCE AND CHEER!"
i swear i stunned.
like nothing to say.
was freaked out.
wts?! DANCE!

okay i was super nervous cause i was afraid they ask me to dance/sing/cheer.
so when i was sitting outside,
Abel, the SC came and like scare me.
wts la.

Then Alan was my interviewer.
he was like, "Hi Mabel!"
freaking scared.
i sold myself and talked about how i like the school.
and then suddenly the teacher said,
"k Mabel, since you are a modern dancer right, can you please dance now. i will give you a minute to think about it."
i was STUNNNNNEEED!
TOTALLY STUN!

i stared hard at Alan, and i know he wanted to laugh.
so in the end,
i just did like a PRIMARY SCHOOL (NEW FRIEND FOUND) dance.
freak.
i wanted to just bury myself.
Got outta classroom and i burst out into laughter.
i laughed hard and non-stop for at least 5 mins.

jesus.
like seriously.
Then after that.
went to canteen to do my PW final slides and send to Rongjie.
then watched HORROR movies with Missyella.
ONE MISSED CALL & THE GRUDGE (JUON)
we were like 2 idiots down there screaming and covering our eyes.

then went for tuition @6plus.
didnt wanna go. ):
but no choice.
i think i am not attending the last lesson.
shall go pay Mr Chan on friday or sth.

Had like lunch/dinner after tuition.
k it was just a small snack but yeah, my lunch/dinner.
didnt eat much today.
nooo appetite.

idk why now i see mih,
i totally dk how to react.
tried to be normal but somehow its still kinda awkward.
sighhh..
imma jealous.
dont know at what, but just jealous & sad. )))):

Hmm.
Just got home half an hour ago.
shall go bathe and view my slides and practice.

THINGS TO DO TMR:

GOING SCHOOL @ AROUND 11 PLUS AM.
RUNNING WITH MISSYELLA AFTER TECH RUN
WATCH WISHING STAIRS WITH MISSYELLA

For those who wanna watch my DANCE SCHOOL PRODUCTION on 7th DEC.
PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP! :DD

2010-11-01T02:15:00.003+08:00

SATURDAY

Spent with Jensi, Missyella and Weihao.
Woke up super early for the Standard Chartered briefing. ):
Went all the way to Henderson Sec for it.
waste of time.
shouldnt have attended! ):
After the briefing,
we decided to rent horror show and went off to weihao's house to watch.
hahahahaha! .
quite scary, but after knowing the story behind the show,
i not that scared anymore.

SUNDAY!

Woke up at like 10 plus.
Had breakfast with my and brothers.
then decided to cut my hair.

so cut it straight and shoulder length.
i think its kinda nice when i tie it up! :D
but when i let it down,
hmm a little like maid. ):

Then packed my rooom.
throw away super loads of stuffs!
packed till like 3.50pm and prepared for dance.
From now till dec,
we will be focusing on the concert.

Thats the concert poster i got it from dancepointe web.

I will be performing 3 items.
Ballet - choreographed by Ms Foo
Contemp - Choreographed by Shirlet
Lyrical Jazz - choreographed by Senghenk

sadly no hip hop cause i am nt in dance factory.
lol.
but its okay.
always wanted to perform ballet or contemp! :DD
cause all these while, i have been performing hip hop and jazz.
cant wait to finish everything.

the songs shirley and henk used are both like awesooome.!
seriously love it.
but from now onwards
will be intensive dance practice! ):
plus crew trainings as i am training for breakdancing.

i think if one day i cant dance,
i will just die.
its like my life seriously.

later on in the morning,
my friends will be going to school for A level MotherTongue.
so glad i didnt give up my higher mother tongue in sec sch.
at least i think B3 is okay! :D
cause i used to fail like F9 all the way! hahhahahahaa.

hmm ALL THE BEST to ALL MY FRIENDS.
and i shall now go play PVZ.
thanks tom for introducing the fun game! ahahha.
addictive.
gosh.
luckily tmr no school! hahahahhaha!

bye! :D

2010-11-01T02:12:00.002+08:00

SORE THROAT

i am having sore throat now.
pain to the max. ):
Guess i scream toooooo much during scarefest.
and i blogged subconsciously for the previous post.
cause what i typed doesnt make any sense at all!
ahahhahahaha!
quite funny i think!

2010-10-30T01:34:00.002+08:00

SCAREFEST @ NGEE ANN POLY 2010

waited for the bloody queue since like 7.45pm!

Argh.

damn waited for 3 hours!

OMG damn fun!

those who missed it, their own problem.

its damn nice.

The worst thing is,

MY CABBBB FARE!

it was $15 to pay.

gosh, i was so reluctant to come out with the punishment.

should just notice him can already.

i am damn sleepy righ tnow.

tmr, needa wake up at 6.45pm!

STUPID SCHOOL!

hate this kinda students uh.

damn!

k la, thats all for tonight.

to tired to type.

zzz

you are ok i think. just be more technology.

should be okay nw.

(;

2010-10-29T18:00:00.002+08:00

I am at Jensi's house now.

Hmm.

waiting for her to bathe. (:

then meeting lala and jastine at 7pm!

Hahahahaha.

WE ARE HEADING FOR SCAREFEST @ NP!

Cant wait for the fun night.

okay school today was totally boring.

i practically didnt do anything.

OP in the morning was crap shit la.

Was too tired to present properly cause i slept at 1.45am ytd and woke up a 5.30am today.

then Rongjie came to talk to me.

i was damn angry and sad and stress of what he say.

when rachael and lala came,

i totally couldnt take it and went off to toilet and cry.

seriously.

nobody understands how i feel.

everybody feels differently.

day for me starts out suckishly.

thought everyone so ON will go Scarefest with me today.

in the end one by one aeroplane-d me. ))):

i was freaking angry. (i know i shouldnt)

but still.

sigh.

luckily Jensi and lala and jastine going. (:

then in the afternoon, walked around the track with jen and lala.

cause we were all not feeling good. >:(

i got myself a little tanned! ^^ super happy.

maybe i shall just sit on the track everyday for half and hour so that i will be tanned! (:

Aim for this holiday = BE TANNED! (:

2010-10-29T01:15:00.000+08:00

SLEEPY!

oh my gosh.
just completed editing my slides.
its 1.15am now!
i am freaking tired.

shall go pack my bag and sleeeeeeeeepppp!
*yawns*

Sweet dreams everyone! :D

2010-10-28T22:47:00.002+08:00

DANCED ALOT TODAY!

danced in school today for the MI audition.
gosh.
i think i suck at teaching. ):
how to become teacher. ))))):

then went lot 1 with minzie, jensi, jiaen, jiayee and huiying.
they went KFC eat.
lol.
so went there talk too.
till like 7.30pm.
then went off.

went for crew training.
wts.
i kept doing pushups, and handstands.
just kept training my arms.
aching like mad now! ):

but competition and performances coming,
so cant slack.

wore my lovely yellow banana sweatpants today with my favourite top! :D
i think i didnt waste as much time as yesterday.

and WR handed in already.
left with only OP!
woooooooohooooo~~
freaking happy now!

but tired.
i wanna get an A for my presentation.
cause i think i can.
jiayous for everyone.

shall go do my slides now.

SCAREFEST@NP TMR!
excited much! :D

2010-10-27T23:05:00.002+08:00

what the freak is wrong with me?!
i think its cause the breaks i have is tooo freaking long.
it makes me go crazy.
like feeling so lost and empty and tired.
wts.
i think the school arrangement just sucks to the core la!
god damn it. >:(
freaking hate the school!
SUUUUCCCKS!

My dear friend:
i am soooooooooo sooorrry. i was texting RJ the whole day i swear. even till now.
freaking hate pw.
i am soooo sorry if i didnt really talk to you today alright? quickly go do your work and sleep.
see you tmr!

2010-10-27T20:49:00.002+08:00

TIRED but HAPPY! :D

Just got back from breaking.
Gosh.
damn tough eh.
but i am determined to learn.
cause i wanna be bgirl! teehee. (:

before i get too old for breakdancing.

Argh spent my day texting many people.
tooooooooooooooooooooo.BORED!

Man, my bestie brought his GF along.
): i was damn sad.
like he spent more time with her.
ok la, but with friends around, everyone should be more open what.
in the end, i just left home first.

sigh.
everyone (Besties) around me are getting attached.
and soooon they will have lesser time for me.
sad to the max now.

WR ends tmr.
i cant wait for hell to end.
but for now,
i shall go bathe and then do my OP.

Oh and anyone wanna go NP with me on Friday?
for scarefest.
pleasse please text me.

2010-10-27T11:59:00.002+08:00

CREW TRAINING AT NIGHT! :D
I CANT WAIT.
I WANNA DANCE.
LUCKILY I BROUGHT MY DANCE ATTIRE!
MY SWEATPANTS AND OVERSIZED SHIRT! :D

freaking happy right now.
cause school is really just a total waste of time.
freaking borreeedd!
My lessons all ended at 9am for today, tmr and friday.
so i guess i wont attend school on friday!
going halloween fest with my friends! <3
teeheee!

OMG I SERIOUSLY WANNA BE A BGIRL!
BUT ITS LIKE HARD!
i got to train my arms like strong enough so that i can be perfect!
arghhhhhh..
how i wish i just can learn everything in a shot and be more daring.

Oh and now everyone is just complaining about PW.
freaking PW.
killing everyone else.
i am so tired right now.
wanna sleep!!! ):

next monday no school tooo!
cause others have O Level Chinese! hahahahahah!
ALL THE BEST PEOPLE! (:
luckily i dont take chinese anymore.

P.S I AM DAMN IRRITATED BY SOMEONE NOWADAYS. F.SHIT! >:(

2010-10-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

Feeling quite sick now.

forgotten to take my medicine today. ):

should i run tmr?

i feel like running...

but i am freaking tired.

arghh...

i want my bed now. ):

2010-10-26T23:48:00.002+08:00

I feel like a lost soul now.

being thrown out of the car.

left behind.

i seriously dont know where should i go and what should i do.

i wanna get myself prepared, but i cant.

sigh.

PW is really killing me.

idk what my group mates want.

idk what Mr lum wants.

i think my OP is not that bad,

but i just feel sucky uh.

was damn pissed for the whole day like seriously..

wasted my whole day doing nothing.

i shouldnt even attend school la!

This Friday, only have lesson from 8 to 9am!

i dont know if i should attend or not.

should i?

Hmm..

QUite busy with dance nowadays too.

gonna have a competition. (audition for charity show)

so its like.

dancing everyday.

and on 7th DEC gonna have a dance concert.

anyone wanna watch? (:

CONTACT ME ALRIGHT?

hmm i think thats all for today.

shall go do PW now.

dang PW!

argh.

hell.

alright.

nights in advance.

2010-10-25T21:10:00.005+08:00

i am kinda confused now.

i dont know where to go.

i am for sure retaining.

sigh.

shall wait for the verdict day to see where to go then.. D':

Saturday, 23rd 2010 - Sunday 24th 2010

NIKE RUN VOLUNTEER :D

went to my friend's house on Friday night.

learned break dance from him. (:

but i still cant really do invert,

but oh well.

needa practice more.

Then had heart to heart talk with him and my another childhood friends

they always make me feel better.

though what they say might sometimes be biased,

but it always end up helping me.

Thank you guys, love you guys forever!

Got home at around 5 plus in the morning.

Then slept till 8am!

went for piano.

i swear i played till i wanna sleep.

got home at 10am and i didnt get to sleep.

Mum rushed me out.

so i any how wore one tshirt & went to view our new house.

I FREAKING LOVE MY ROOM! (:

i cant wait to move.

like seriously.

i want to have a new life,

at a new environment.

i wanna put all my sorrows and unpleasent memories in JURONG & nt bringing there.

its sad that i will miss my friends here though.

alright then shall move on.

ate dinner with my family @hougang.

it was freaking nice.

I LOVE MY FAMILY! ^^

needa spend more time with them though. ):

feel quite bad for staying late in school and kept spending their money,

shall find work. (:

got home at around 7.15pm and bathed.

left house at 8pm and went to lala's house.

was damn excited then about volunteering for the Nike run. (:

at her house,

prepared while we talked.

left her house at 9 plus.

and headed towards Marina Square cause minhui they all were there alr.

*was still in my anyhow-wear-shirt* ):

got there around 10.15pm.

guess who we saw?!

WTF some frogs la.

my eyes almost drop out.

plus i was wearing a damn ugly shirt, feeling damn embarrassed.

they were all at the pool there.

so we went to find them.

walao first person i saw was him.

i was like dont know how to react.

then jensi hurt me, she said i was wearing a pyjamas.

freaking sad la.

so lala and i went off to mac to buy coffee.

i swear we were damn unlucky.

kept seeing them around.

then we just dont care la.

@11 like that we decided to go first.

so we went off towards floating bay.

Then we stopped @esplanade cause they were screening some malay ghost movie.

freaking scary i swear.

i was shivering uh.

watched till 12am.

freak sia.

seriously freak me out.

then my exboyfriend suddenly texted me.

"hi mabel, you understand malay uh?"

i was like damn shock.

cause i lost all my contacts then i didnt know who was the sender.

loL!

but i sorta expected it was him from the way he type.

then i asked him why didnt he call me and he said cause i was with my friend.

seriously.

shall now wish him all the best for his O levels.

lol!

miss my sec school friends though.

Hmm. then i saw Aijing, Ying ying and jayne!! :D
freaking happy to see them actually!

ahahhaha!
PLUS THE MOST SHOCKING THING IS,

BAY SIYAO actually went for the thing too!

hahahahahah!
MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY UH, My AH GONG! :D

hahhahha! then in the end we went to eat cause 3am then they start briefing.

went of with siyao they all and didnt go with minzie they all cause i miss my friends.

damn fun uh i swear! :D

hhahhahahahah!

i was damn tired then cause 2 nights didnt sleep.

then i had headache.

gosh seriously can die.

then everything started.

we went to our department there.

the BAGGAGE DEPARTMENT.

gosh. its like we will be the busiest people of the whole event.

had briefing and then divided ourselves into groups.

Dennis, WeiXian, Darren, Alloysius, Samuel and Kenneth one group.

they took counter "O".

then Me, lala, minzie, jiaen, jiayee and jensi one group.

we took counter "N".

It was damn fun okay!

we try to keep ourselves hyped up.

5.30am!

started work.

gosh at first we two groups were competing to see who get the most runners.

so we like damn high.

hahaha!

it was fun la i swear

gaahahahahaha! :D

i said,

"GOOD MORNING, YOU CAN COME AND RECEIVE YOUR BAG AT THE SAME COUNTER, COUNTER "N" LATER AFTER YOUR RUN WITH THIS TAG. ENJOY YOUR RUN!" *WIDE SMILE*

for 2 CONSECUTIVE HOURS NON-STOP.

and stapling and tying rubberbands made my hands sore.

but it was fun.

time passed damn quickly.

finally at 7.30am.

we saw the light.

damn tiring.

then we went to washroom and rest.

but alittle while later at 8.15 like that.

what the shit,

gt people complete the race alr.

theres this 16 yrs old boy,

completed the 10km at ard 36mins++

walao, i damn shocked!

i also wanna run man!

then i went to rest for a little while. cause head quite pain.

woke up,

became worst.

but i started helping out giving out their bags.

it was tiring but fun! :D

walao and that Weixian,

crap all the way! hahahahaha!

hmm then everthing ended at 10am++ and we receive our $25! :DD

so we decided to go eat together.

everyone was tired by then

hahhahahhaah!

Missyella & I were tired but i think cause of the coffee, we kept talking non-stop.

hahahahah!

i guess we were irrtating to them then.

hahahha!

hmm then decided to go kopitiam to eat.

sat at like seperated tables.

3 round tables.

woah, i sat with kenneth, dennis & lala.

i was like treating it as a mini competition by myself la.

see which table sleep first.

in the end jiaen's table slept first.

then minzie, weixian, darren and jiayee's table. they ate till they almost slept.

quite funny! hahahahahhaha!
so in the end we won! :D

hahahahaa

quite lame though.

hahahaa

on our way back,

we were all dying i swear.

Lala and i stood up and slept.

i almost fell.

so i decided to keep myself awake.

and haha!

they way dennis and weixian slept were damn funny!

hahahahhah!

all of us laughed like mad!

the most epic one is,

lala was standing and sleeping like a log.

then cause i was sitting down,

suddenly she bent towards me and said quite loudly,

"MABEL DO YOU HAVE TISSUE? I DROOLED. DAMN GROSS!"

*with blur face*

hahahahahhahah!

ALL OF US BURST INTO LAUGHTER!

couldnt take it man! hhahahahahahahhahaha!

then she awake alr.

so all of us chatted..

i seriously felt damn happy.

like going back to those days when i was damn crazy.

laughing like mad with my friends when we were out.

miss being a crazy girl. (:

then we decided to eat YAMI YOGURT. (:

went to JP with lala, lingying, weixian, darren, Minzie and kenneth.

hahahahahha!

guess what,

i ordered like the take-home pack and ate everything by myself.

damn shiok i swear.

actually its cause i was happy plus like having a little mixed feelings thats why i think i need chill myself by eating that whole big tub.

argh fat alr.

needa run soooon.

then we all parted at around 2 plus @ JP.

i swear i was so tired that i can just sleep on the floor.

went to lala's house to collect my stuffs.

on the train to clementi,

gosh super embarrasing!

cause i was afraid i will fall while standing and sleeping.

so i went to sit beside lala.

then i fell into deep sleep immediately.

i sat at the side.

the train suddenly jerked.

i knew i was gonna bang my head against the glass panal.

but i thought i could hold on to my weight,

but inthe end i failed.

"BANG!"

my head knocked against the glass panal.

it was soooooo freaking loud that missyella woke up okay!

gosh then the two aunties asked me if i was okay and one of them started laughing!

luckily we reached clementi already.

if not i swear i gonna die of embarrassment.

then got home at around 4pm.

woah i was damn tired.

at least 30hours without sleep.

so i took off my shoes and just lie on the floor and fell asleep.

hahahahhahaha!

didnt bathe or change clothes at all. :/

Nat woke me up at 8pm+

cause he said later at night i cant sleep if i sleep too much.

so i woke up and bathe.

i totally forgotten i had my contact lenses on.

lol!

after bathing i was still sleepy.

waited for my parents to come home.

had dinner and i went back to sleep at around 11pm again.

damn tired! like seriously.

then today!

woke up at 6.15am., thinking that it was Sunday.

but in fact, its MONDAY ALR! ):

freaking sick. D:

whole body aching cause i think i am having a cold alr.

didnt wanna attend school but cant.

so i went to school.

school was damn boring!

PW from 8 till 10am.

doing nothing.

then i ended school already.

cause the others have chinese so i was alone.

Rachael lend me her ipod and watch a korean variety show!

hahahah damn!

i swear i looked like an idiot laughing so loud alone at the canteen!

damn damn funny!

hahahahaaha!

i guess i will watch tmr again.

4 hours break tmr!

walao.

had dance just now.

head toooooo pain.

cant take it.

so i rest.

then texted Benedict cause he text me while he was having breaks during rugby training.

luckily he texted me.

i almost died in dance room.

the sight of....

like killing me man.

i secretly hope that "thing" didnt happen at all.

this is making everthing so awkward.

i dont wanna give fake smile.

bt for now its still so hard.

i am trying to be normal.

hope i succeed.

i need time. ):

sigh got home at 8pm plus.

feeling so tired now.

gonna sleep soon.

freak and there's a BIG MOTH outside my house.

i was damn scared to come in just now.

damn scary. )):

okay i think thats all.

such a boring life i have now.

hope there's people that will text me now.

not those lame texts but yeah to chat.

thats all.

shall sleep soon.

feeling damn hell weak and sick now......

and sad.

THIS SATURDAY STANDARD CHARTED RUN BRIEFING.

I CANT WAIT FOR ALL CIPs NOW!

AND THOSE WHO HAVE MY NUMBER,

PLEASE PLEASE TEXT ME WITH YOUR NAME!
MY BOTH PHONES DIED AND I LOST ALL MY CONTACTS.

PLEASE KINDLY TELL ME YOUR NUMBER!

ALL ARE IMPORTANT TO ME.

THANKS! (:

2010-10-23T13:33:00.002+08:00

Done with my blogskin. (:
Like finally.
and i decided to change songs too.
the first song,
关怀方式
is an all time favourite.
listened to it since i was young.
Memories will just flash.

i have always wanted everything to be perfect.
but i just realised i cant have everything done perfectly cause
i aint a wonderwoman.

haha.
i was wrong all these while.
thinking i am so superb.
but failure came by and proved me wrong.
i will learn from all my mistakes this year.
no matter in studies/family/friends/relationships.
i will try my best next time.

After i move,
i will start everything afresh.
i want to love everyone with all i can.
and study real hard.

i will always believe in god,
and yeah.
i'll pray for all.

2010-10-23T10:36:00.002+08:00

i dont know what to do.

or how am i feeling. ):

its like my heart is lost.

project work is killing me.

damn.

i just cant wait for tonight..

so that i can be with my friends.

meeting aijing, jayne and yingying!

2010-10-22T22:38:00.002+08:00

Decided to change my blogskin.
Tired of the previous one already.
Gonna change it sooon.

alright.
back to today.
woke up at around 6am.
head pain like shit.
so decided to stay at home.
missyella didnt attend school either.
rachael said that she wanna go school late.
but in the end she didnt go too.
so its like 3 of us didnt attend school today.

went to polyclinic at 9 plus.
wts.
waited for hours.
damn irritating.

had lunch with Dad, Mum and Noel @dad's company.
love that kinda time.
really enjoyable though i wasnt feeling well.
got home at 2pm.
continue sleeping till like 6.30pm.
gosh.

Mum went to fetch dad and they got dinner back.
dint eat.
cause still dont feel well.
then i watched PLAYFUL KISS last episode.
freak.
MY SEUNG JO!.
omo.
i am having withdrawal symptoms now.
):

alright BOTH MY PHONES DIED ON ME.
HOW?!
goddamnit.
and PW is getting on my nerves.
f.

Tmr is the Nike run volunteering thing.
i cant wait.
cause its gonna be an overnight thing.

i think thats all for today.
head pain again.
D:

2010-10-21T22:59:00.002+08:00

These few days has been quite normal for me.
nothing much actually.
Just keep slacking.

sigh.
idk why nowadays i have this thought in mind of getting married.
actually is like i wanna wear a wedding dress.
idk think i am crazy.

New house is gonna be ready soon.
i cant wait to move actually.
Its like i wanna start afresh.

its then i thought of sth and decided.
If i were to retain,
i will try out Accountancy again.
Hope to get in cause i have already decided on the course i wanna take in Uni.

But if i can be promoted,
i will continue with J2 and work extra hard.
no more wasting of time uh.

Rachael was damn funny.
Told me about TEAMS and stuffs.
hahahaha!
but its fun uh.

Missyella,
you will be fine alright?
trust me.
i will pray for you.
just from now on, focus on PW and chinese.
you will be okay.
and though i cant be the one hugging you cause i am just ur bestfriend,
not girlfriend (EWWWW)
but yeah,
just remember that i will always be there for you alright?

Hmm.
i guess if i were to retain or like go outta PJC,
i will miss them both. D:

Another thing,
freaking shit.
i freaking hate the HAZE.
damn INDONESIA.
wtf are they doing man.

imma feeling damn unwell cause of the haze.
its irritating me. >:(

Ran yesterday with lala.
Super unwell.
like before that i puked twice already then had headache too.
but i thought after running might feel better.
Zz.
in the end,
i puke twice again while running.
Got home at around 7 plus.
head pain like shit.
But had to do PW.
so yeah.
then while doing, my whole house like spinning non-stop.
couldnt take it.
so decided to sleep.
bt before that, i vomited again.

5times in a day.
gosh, my throat hurts. ):

Then today actually didnt wanna attend school.
but cause theres physics and chem lecture.
so i went.
Super uncomfortable i swear.
First lesson was chem tutorial.
freaking shit that teacher,
i was freaking unwell already and she scolded me for resting.
wtf.
i was damn pissed off uh.

so i packed my stuffs right away and walked outta class.
then i went to the sick bay.
i LOVE THE SICK BAY!
damn nice to sleep.
argh man.
wanna go there tmr again.

but i thought it would get better.
in the end my headache got worst.
cant stand the haze i swear.
then now headache got worst again.
feel like puking again.
and i started to tear.
fml.
I HATE INDONESIA.
FREAK.

watched playful kiss.
walao damn nice. D":
i envy Oh ha ni.
like seriously.
why the guy so cute.
man.
jealous.

sigh.
feeling so bad now.
my headache is killing me i swear.
dont feel like attending school tmr. )))):
should i?

2010-10-18T21:46:00.003+08:00

DEAD

Regretted going to school today.

Its like a total waste of time.

That freaking lady, speaked for more than an hour early in the morning.

her voice totally can kill me la.

i hate her. ugh.

as in she may be nice, but i just hate her when she is so naggy.

damn.

wanted to run during PE.

should have ran. ):

In the end played frisbee.

i hate my class like seriously.

I cant understand why they hate the Sun/PE that much.

damn.

Then it was PW.

Rach's group presented.

i was freaking tired.

so i slept. :/

An hour break followed by PW again.

Then Johnny's group kept saying they not ready.

in the end my group went up to present.

it was okay uh.

Aiming to get an A for OP.

Finally PW left with only perfecting my slides and speech (which i am doing now)

then I&R.

Hell is gonna end soon. (:

Then i had another hour break while others had Mother Tongue.

Met MingYang and Alan for break.

Ate icecream as usual and talked.

then GP lecture.

it was okay.

i hope to pass GP.

afraid now. )))):

Then had another break and it was chemistry.

my mood by that time was in hell already.

totally feel like killing people.

i just hate school.

Damn angry with myself.

i cant forgive myeself.

why am i so dumb?

Even stanley got a C for his math when he is so busy with rugby..

FML.

HATE MESELF TO THE CORE.

i just quarrelled with dad.

super upset now.

i feel as though my world is crashing.

i hate everyone.

wanna be alone. )':

dont feel like going to school tmr.

wanna just stay at home and on my bed for the whole day.

i am dead.

That's my favourite song now.

Marriage D'amour

was playing on the piano for an hour just now.

2010-10-17T21:26:00.002+08:00

안녕!
Its me again!
hahah!
i have decided to keep my hair long
cause i am gonna curl it! :D
feel like dyeing my hair.
maybe to dark brown or black.
Hehehe.
sooooon.
after shifting house,
i will do whatever i want.
i wanna be carefree.
single is so much cooler. :D
i guess thats what made me happy.
though sometimes i might be envious of other couples.
like.. my best girlfriend.
so nice of fyy to have him.
so cute together. :')
really hope they'll last long.
shall make myself happy and cheerful like i used to be from now onwards.
화이팅 Mab.

2010-10-17T20:36:00.003+08:00

NOEL's PERFORMANCE ON SATURDAY 16th October.

Noel was very cute.
his performance item was Hair Spray!

and he was standing in the middle.
sorta the lead.
hahaha! :D
so proud of my little brother.
talented.
he is super handsome i swear.
teehee.

Oh and i love my family alot. really alot! :D
My turn to perform soon at RP.
in dec. there will be a concert.
though we are the not main one as it is a hiphop concert,
but still i will be performing. ^^

Saturday morning,
went for piano and then got home.
parents said they wanna go buy fridge before going for the performance.
so we went to Jurong Point.
Had my Mr.Bean's breakfast. :D
love it ttm.

Then we went to Courts.
guess what.
i saw this really cuteeeee guy! <3 gosh. he have the Seung Jo feeling to me. then i texted rach and lala. hahahah! bābo Rachael ask me to use my skill to take photos of him. wts damn stalkerish. but i took uh cause he really too cute.!

Hahah! rachael! lala!
please say he is cute at least a bit! :D
hahahhah!

hmm yeah,
i spent my weekend watching korean dramas.
gosh.
and i dread doing PW.
but luckily our group is like left 10%.
which is perfecting my slides and practice my presentation.
but no mood now.
shall do it tmr.

somehow,
i am waiting for something to happen.
a miracle maybe.
sigh.

2010-10-17T19:09:00.002+08:00

It was dooms day for me last Thursday and Friday.
I cried damn badly after knowing my results.
i seriously worked hard for Promos.
i really tried my best.
why did it turn out that way?!
i am damn hell sad. ):

I know it was my Mid years.
i should have work harder for mye since it was easy.
why didnt i?! !
I WANNA PUT A FULL BLAME ON THAT STUPID IDIOT.

WHY DID I EVEN SPEND MY WHOLE JUNE HOLS WITH HIM! DAMN.
sheesh.
i know i am at fault.
but i really think if he doesnt appear, i would have done better.
i regretted like f.
SHIT.

Friday i really broke down.
)':
i wanted to just jump out from the corridor.
i think i would if lala wasnt sitting beside me.

Its like the whole world falling.
i know its dumb of me to do that.
but its the first time i failed so badly.
to an extent that i will retain.
fml.

i like wasted my parents money.
i disappointed them.
i hate myself.
then i texted mum and dad.
the reply they gave me made me cry even more.

They said, "its okay girl. (: you know where went wrong. dont worry."

i cried damn hell hard after seeing that.
wts.
why didnt i work hard?!

then after that.
i went and have a walk with missyella.
heart to heart talked to her.
it really made me felt better.
thank you so much my bestie.

Rachael and Missyella,
you guys know actually i cried because i cant accept the fact that i wont be with you all next year?
i am damn upset.
its like how on earth am i gonna survive in school without you two.
i know i hated you guys to the core last time.
but i love you all now.
i am damn hell sad now.
i seriously dont know what to do.
):
so for now,
i will just enjoy as much as i can with you two.!

as for now,
i shall just focus on PW since i dont have chinese to worry.
and yeah.
aim to achieve an A for PW.
hwaiting.
i can do it.

2010-10-14T21:18:00.003+08:00

I really dont know what to do.

Its like dooms day for me today.

HOW?!

I feel damn disappointed with myself.

I should have worked harder for MYE.

I am really praying very hard for miracle to happen now. ):

What if i retain?

continue JC? or POLY?

if JC, should i change college? since i am shifting.

Urgh.

i am damn upset.

cried in school today.

i cant imagine myself retaining.

leaving missyella and rachael.

they are for sure going to promote.

i dont know what to do.

its like i wanna promote with my friends.

sigh.

went to gym with missyella, kavin, weihao and yongjun.

Ran for 45mins.

i almost fainted.

i was running non stop at a speed of 8.7km/hr.

at like 35mins i can feel myself dying.

but i didnt wanna stop.

i needa destress.

i was damn sad.

like really very sad.

so i continue running.

after coming down from the treadmill,the whole gym was like spinning.

missyella said that she can see that i was pushing myself.

i seriously feel like dying.

this is my first time experiencing this.

i have no one to talk to, as in say out how i really feel.

i wanted to tell missyella and rachael, but it was too difficult to say.

i really cant think of anyone to talk to.

i have let my parents and myself down.

wtf.

i feel like running under the hot sun tmr again.

@6 plus went to eat with kavin and weihao and lala.

@7 went ten mile junction to buy Mr Bean's ice cream with lala.

at that point of time i was thinking,

shit this will only happened till the year end,

and if i retain,

i wont be able to enjoy so much time with them anymore.

))))':

i know i can have new friends, but i dont wanna leave my real friends this year.

sighs.

reached home at 8+

i am like damn tired now.

what am i gonna do tmr?

i hope i can pass my other subjects.

so that i can have a higher chance of promoting.

please god,

do let my efforts pay off.

i studied damn hard. ):

*sobs*

oh and he apologized.

i didnt expect that.

i dont really know how to react.

lala was beside me just now.

i have given up like 2 days ago.

cause of the drama and i think its not worth it.

whatever it is,

wish you all the best.

i will try my best and befriends with you again.

somehow i cant wait for NIKE run next week.

shall watch Playful Kiss ep13 later.
(:

thanks for all that were supporting me.

love you guys.

2010-10-14T21:15:00.002+08:00

THATS THE SHITTY PLACE I WENT FOR LEARNING JOURNEY YESTERDAY.

i swear i wanted to die.

it was tooo gross! ):

gosh.

until now i am still damn f. pissed with the school for appointing my class to go there

while other classes can o to the museums.

freak up school.

god damn it!

ugh.

2010-10-13T23:52:00.001+08:00

done with episode 12.
man. seung jo is so nice. they are damn sweet.
sigh i envy them. ):
i am jealous and sad again...

2010-10-13T19:30:00.003+08:00

i dont know what to say.
but i think i am changing again.
sigh.
have a bad feeling about this. ):

and getting back results tmr.
afraid i will retain.. )):

2010-10-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

THIS SHOW IS TOOOOOOO AWWWEEESOOME!
OMG ADDICTED!
hahaha.
got home early today at around 2pm!
omg.
i slept till like 7.30pm with my uniform on la!
lol!
should have like start watching dramas earlier cause.
i think it made me felt better.
guess i have to just move on.
can just say i bad luck,
meet this kinda person.
sigh...
knock on the wrong door and dont know how to close it back immediately.
zzz.
suay uh! f.

2010-10-11T23:57:00.002+08:00

i wanna know how you really feel and what are you thinking.
i wanna know.
and i wanna know, is it you use me as a sub or did you really like me before.
i wanna know all that you feel. ):
i wanna hear the truth.
i want so badly..
please please jot it down somewhere that i can go search for answers.
hope you see this. ):

2010-10-11T23:46:00.002+08:00

i always try my best to smile.
even today.
but can you see that its a bitter smile?
i am damn hurt.
not sure if you know that you have hurt me that deep.
prolly to you its nothing.
but to me, its alot.
i really dont know why.
but i find it hard to face you again.
):
this really saddens me.
plus you two are like always together, as in place tgt in a group.
do you think i should have ask you to think deeply?
do you think what i do is correct?
somehow part of me regretted asking you to think hard.
cause i am damn sad right now.
i know its selfish.
but i just couldnt help it.
please bear with me,
i think i need awhile more to completely kill my heart and move on. ):
i secretly wish you all the best, you might still have chance to be with her. )':
sorry to say, but i really miss you, i really really do. )):

this is damn depressing. D:
i cant sleep well nor eat well.
cant focus.
):

2010-10-11T22:52:00.003+08:00

A DAY OUT WITH MY CRAZY FRIENDS!

Had some stupid waste-of-time programme in school today.
some enrichment,
was actually posted to do hip hop but i crash rapping lesson.
it was a wrong move.
toooooo boring!
i didnt do anything.
spend my time walking around in school and talking to benedict and watching people dance.
it was quite funny though.
both the hip hop and street jazz instructor are good and cause i know them personally too. :D
hahahahah!

After school,
went to jp to meet my friends.
miss them like crazy.
but when i was on the bus to dominos.
it passed by bukit batok..
): i couldnt take it.
no matter where and when ,
i wil just think of him.
so i just tear silently.
):
serioously,
why is it so hard for me to get over?
i really hate it.
i dont wanna be seen as the one clinging onto him
i dont want.
i need to be stronger! ):
sigh.
never mind.

TO LALA and RACH: i am so sorry, these few days i will be damn down. and will be crying alot.
i need alot of time to heal since its a double stab.
you guys know what i mean.
i really need time.
i cant really face him and that girl. ):
its really very depressing. ))):

sigh never mind.
shall continue with my best friends intro below.

RETARDED SHIT!
That's KHAIRUL.
My best friend. :D
he is really very caring.
always understand me.
whenever i am sad, he will know.
and he will be there to comfort me.
love you khai!
bff.

That's SYAFIQAH.
My crazy girlfriend.
another one that has always been there for me.
i love you fyy.
forever. :D
cant wait to watch you dance.

And thats AMANI!
She is always so caring too.
giving me the utmost support.
AMANI. wanna tell you that,
though i wasnt that close with you last time,
but now its different.
you can always rely on me too alright?
I LOVE YOU AMANI! :D

i think thats all.
freaking tired.
but i guess i might be tonning again tonight.
if i ton,
it will be 4 days no sleep for me. ):

2010-10-11T20:01:00.007+08:00

i'm back.
And promos are FINALLY OVER!
mugged like hell previously.
for the past one month!
everyday from early in the morning till 9pm.
my eyebags are like. wts.
ITS GONNA BE A DAMN LONG POST!
shall make it a picture post.

7th OCTOBER

it was the last day of exams.
Was damn happy.
went home and changed and went out to orchard!
for HELLOKITTY FAIR!
gosh! i almost faint when i saw those hellokitty stuffs!
and walked around with missyella and rachael.
then weihao, kavin and carry(?) came over and we had dinner together at ippudo.
hahahah!
then after that went to ION's XinWang cafe and had milktea cause i was craving for it.
hahahah!

the sign on top is like freaking cool uh. hahaha!
dont you all think so?
Went home at around 11pm.
cause the next day got school. reached home at around 12.30am.
talked to kavin throughout the whole journey back.
super tired! but it was a nice chill out though. (:
8th OCTOBER

INTER HOUSE GAMES!
i swear my eyes couldnt open that day.
damn tired.
went to school and felt like dying.
its like wts, till 6pm!
Luckily zach came to ask lala and i to join ultimate frisbee.
Was under the freaking hot sun for the whole day.
got a little tanned! <3>
Overall the day was fun.
though i kept seeing him around. was damn worried for his ankle that day, but sigh he didnt even care. ):

9th OCTOBER

Finally went for piano class.
it has been like ages since i last practice.
gosh.
then after that went to view my new house! freaking nice!
ahhahaahah!
was quite happy actually.
though the unit is small but its vry cosy~! :D
cant wait to move actuallY!
teehee.

Balcony!(above)
My Room! (below)

Then after viewing our house and doing up out design.
we went to ORCHARD to eat zi char! :D
DAMN NICE! hahahahha!
LOVE IT MAN! :D

But its also on this day...
i started to feel damn sad.
he texted me at night.
i swear i just cry out in the middle of the streets.
luckily my parents are not around me.
i was freakin freakin sad.
my heart broke into million pieces.
i expected the answer.
but i really cant take it that he say to me.
i didnt know what to do.
its like everything was just a dream.
sometimes pleasant stuffs can make one miserable.
i felt damn crappy.
so i decided nt to go home.
i went to watch movie alone.
i didnt even know what movie was i watching cause for the whole show i was crying.
i didnt know what to do.
):
even up till now...

10th OCTOBER

i reached home at around 5 plus am.
my relatives came over at around 7 plus.
i almost died cause i didnt have enough sleep.
it was damn tiring.
i just wanted to stay home and sleep through my day.
)))):
mum sorta know what happened.
idk how she know but she just know.
i wanted to cry again when she said that.
):
then in the end i thought its not they way,
so i went out to shop for furniture.
i was freaking bored.
and no one was available to text me that day.
so in the end, i thought alot and started tearing again.
why is this happening to me?
i cant be like that... ):

thats the post for the past few days. shall make a new post now.

2010-10-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

2 more to go, 3 more days to endure.

Physics murdered me today.
Paper 1 was okay for me.
Paper 2 last half was a killer.
I hope i can at least get an E or D grade overall. :/

During the paper,
i wanted to kill the person behind me.
coughed for 2.5 hours straight!
ARGH! i swear i was damn irritated.!
Hope i wont have papers in the hall anymore.
the coldness can kill toO!
Sigh math paper next.
really very afraid too.
i need to pass it!!
Going to school to do whole day of math.
D:
super boring.
but noooo choice..

i cant wait for promos to end now.
But i will do constant work and study after exams.
i dont wanna struggle next year.

Just hugged my mum and dad and little brother. :'D
Miss them alot alot.
Have been discussing about our new house! :D
Gonna renovate and i am going to choose the design of my own room! :D
Shifting house soon.
Abit cant bear to move, but a little happy and excited though.

OVERALL,
i just cant wait for exams to end.
there's like alot of interesting stuffs to do.
and tons of CIP to do too. (:
e.g Nike run and standard chartered run volunteer.
then dance concert...

alot alot.
hai.
shall day dream a little more..
ciaos.

P.S.
i am feeling nothing now. prolly cause of exams. and please get well soon.
cause you are playing on IHG. Dont injure yourself again...

2010-10-04T23:48:00.003+08:00

WEDDING.

I envy all those who wear wedding dress.
They are so pretty.
Actually i love wedding dress more than i like marriage.
Seeing people being happy on their special day.
Tears of joy and happiness.
aww.
i wonder when that day come for me.
hahahaha.
thinking abit far now.
But yeah.

I want my wedding to be simple actually.
Just the 2 of us and our families and close friends.
Then taking our wedding photos in europe countries.
God.
Its like perfect. (:

I wanna have like ballet theme dresses.
Geez i'm like getting really happy and excited now.

ARGH screams.
ARENT THOSE DRESSES NICE?!
feel like wearing! D":

okay. i think thats all about wedding.
i shall train hard to lose all my fats so that i can be a happy woman in a few years time! :D

hahahahha.
i think its all dreams. (':

2010-10-03T02:31:00.002+08:00

I WANT MY DSLR!
DAD GONNA GET ME ONE SOON!
OMG TOO HAPPY NOW! :D
HAHAHAHHA.
I SHALL WORK HARD.
AND I GOT A JOB ALREADY FOR HOLIDAYS.
I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD WORK..

HAHAHA!
AND AND IMMA GOING DIVING & HONG KONG!
I CANT WAIT! :D
SEEMS LIKE MY HOLIDAYS ARE PACKED.
WITH SHIFTING OF HOUSE.
WOAH.
I THINK REALLY PACKED ALR.
BUT NEVER MIND.
I LOVE IT! ^^

2010-10-03T01:59:00.001+08:00

sigh...
i'm thinking alot again.
phone too quiet today.
not even a single text.
i guess its over.
):
no more sweetness.
forget it.

2010-10-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LALA! ♥

hahahahha!
Hope you are feeling better today.
after seeing me! hahahahaha keeding.
i wanna tell you i love you alot as a friend.
and YOU CONFIRM WILL DO WELL FOR PROMOS!
:D
And you are sick, please drink more water and sleep more.
dont care about what others think okay?
in PJC you have rach and me. :D

Rest well tonight and i shall see you tmr!
i am really seeing you 7 days a week man! ahahahahhaha.

And this is how CRAZY we were today! ahhahahahaah!
TOO FUN!♥
shall go your house again after promos,
not to study but to play!:D
hahahahahha!
*winks winks* (the guy in lib) hahahahahah!
AND......

NOBODY IS GONNA RAPE YOU IDIOT! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! :D
okay my post for YOU shall END here.
I ♥ YOU TOO MUCH! :D

Take care and see ya,
MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY! ^^Y
(trying to act cute here and its so primary school to say that) ahahaha!
ciaos.

2010-10-02T01:17:00.001+08:00

anyways,
what i wanna tell you is that.
idk why i got so worried when u say u got injured.
please do take care and mug hard.
see you around.

2010-10-02T00:19:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!

Thats the gift that the school gave us. :D
Freaking happy when i received it.
its like hehe i am little kid again! :D

okay went to school early in the morning today.
and i studied.
though i dont have paper today, but i still got up early.
went to the lib at 9am but was too cold.
so came out for lunch after lala's paper.
GOSH!
freaking joke!
those 2 girls were tooooo gross and obvious.
plus some of them made lala sad.
i was sad and angry too when i saw lala crying!
wanted to whack them and confront them.
zzzz
i think they are thinking too much and toooooo childish.
cant stand them! >.<

gosh.
so we went to classroom to study.
super productive i think!
:D
i sorta got gravitational field! :DD
hahahhaha!
so happy.
shall continue studying soon.

and yeah, see that post-it?
i wrote that cause nowadays i keep going to the washroom.
guess is cause i kept drinking water.
then while lala and i were studying.
didnt wanna talk to her that much,
if nt studying wont be productive.
so wrote the postit.
whenever i wanna go washroom, i will just show it to her.
ahhahhahaahah
:D

stuyding with her again tmr.
like seeing her everyday.
lol!
bt i dont mind.
shall go study now. (:

2010-10-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

Real feelings.

i wanna tell you how i feel.
but its just so hard.
i miss those happy times.
and most importantly actually i feel like talking to you.
i was quite surprise to see you today.
but yeah. short while only.
i really dont expect anything more already.
cause i dont deserve it. ):
sigh,
imy, and i really do.. D':

Next, i think i gonna cute till that short.
Should i? or should i not.
please advice.
sooon okay?
cant stand my long natural straight hair. :/
too irritating sometimes.

And i swear i miss dancing. though its around 3 weeks.

i wanna dance in my Gaynor Miden again.
and i wanna perform for the end of year concert. dont know can or not.
lol!
why is N not online.
wanna talk to him. :/

k i shall go study then off to bed.
too tired.
nights.

2010-09-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

i am feeling real sad now.
real real sad,
i am jealous too.
what the hell is wrong with me?
hate myself like that. ):
i wanna cry.
i need a hug.
i need someone to console me.
cant take it anymore... ):

shall go bathe in cold water.
i need to numb myself.
need to focus after bathing.

freak...
this is killing me.
and i am dying off.
cant take it...........

2010-09-30T22:33:00.003+08:00

What A Day.

Had my CSE today.
i almost died. but i think i can pass.
like finally the most brain draining subject is down. (:
quite glad.

2 DOWN, 3 MORE TO GO.
tmr no paper for me cause i dont take mother tongue.
but i am still going to school as usual to study.
Physics and Math! D:
super afraid for that.
i wanna pass and get promoted!

hais. shall start studying later.
Parents went to collect keys for the new house today.
they say its very nice.
so sad that i didnt get to see.
i wanna see!
sigh.
shall just see the pictures when parents come home.

ITS MY LOVE'S BIRTHDAY TMR!

SYAFIQAH! I LOVE YOU TO THE MAX.
ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR RESULTS TMR OKAY?
I AM SURE YOU CAN PASS AND STAY ON IN NRA!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. ((:
I WILL BE QUITE FREE TMR, SO ANYTHING CAN JUST CALL ME ALRIGHT?!
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
JUST ANOTHER WEEK, THEN I WILL BE FREE.
CANT WAIT NOW. (:
LOVE YOU AND PLEASE TAKE CARE.
SEE YOU SOOOOOON!
HUGS&KISSES!

really miss all my friends.
and i miss spending time with my family too.
love my mummy and daddy alot.
stupid promos have been making me studying like mad.
sigh,
but it will soon be over.
endure Mabel!

and...
i dont really know how i feel now.
sigh,
just got to wait and i decided to wait.
but lets just see how when time comes...

goodnight world. :')

2010-09-29T00:39:00.005+08:00

BROKEN.

my heart hurts. its too much. i wanna cry, but there is no more tears left. what i can do now, is to run. i hate being in that situation. i wanna step out of it. i gave u a solution, telling you that i will be giving up. why do you want me to wait? i dont wanna believe thats what you said. but my heart tells me that its the truth. seems like i'm a back up plan. sigh. i rather you tell me straight. dont leave me hanging. it hurts after a while. i really dont know what to do now. i guess, my wall is building up with the speed doubling. cause if not i think i will get seriously hurt.. sorry if i am a lil cold, its part of self defence. you know how much i feel like talking to you like nothing happened before? but its really tough. i have alr did my best by continue talking to you. if one day i cant take it, i will just run. Run as far as i can.

Can anyone feel me? D':

can anyone tell me what to do next?
wait or not to wait?
should i be upset?
argh, going crazy.
i am SERIOUSLY lost..
and heart-broken.

broken....

To Jen.

Be strong.
i wanna run too.
maybe we can run together.
but right now.
focus on promos.
till next thurs.
i will run with you.
jiayous okay?
i love you strawberry!

i think thats all for today.
too upset right now.
shall sleep soon.
nights world.

2010-09-29T00:39:00.000+08:00

PRODUCTIVE.

quite a perfect day till night.
woke up early in the morning and go to school to study.
reached school earlier than lala.
and i started studying first.
Bought Mac's coffee. :D
very nice!
and lala brought breakfast for me. damn nice of her. hahah
love her alot.
wanted to run but didnt bring clothes to change.
so yeah decided to run some other time.
going to school to study tmr again.

Argh,
i swear i am damn sad just now during tuition.
super demoralized! D':
i thought i know how to do chem, but its like i couldnt.
i wanted to cry la.
):
but this means i needa work triple hard.
shall go study my CSE after i complete blogging then i sleep ard 1.30am.
need coffee tmr again!
shall make it a productive one again.

4 more papers left to end of promos!
ENDURE!

sigh.
feeling so sad and down now. shall post another post to describe how i feel...