My heart goes..

Why is it that whenever i see you, my ears go red?
Why is it that whenever i see you, my heart thumps super fast?
Why is it that whenever i see you, i feel like talking to you?
Why is it that whenever i see you, i hope you look at me too?

Sigh. but i know everything just cant work out. so i guess..
Giving up? might be good?
i really dont know how i am feeling these 2 weeks.

Numb, sad and regretful. for things i had done and have not done. ):
19% more to go...

Why keep raining nowadays?
think of you whenever is raining.
why you keep appearing?

i know i am dumb.
dumb in everyway.
but please dont bully me or annoy me.
i needa let you know that,

ONCE I HATE YOU, ITS PERMANENT. D:

KAIROS!

Time flies.
2 weeks of school had passed.
Kairos programme so so only. NOT EVEN FUN AT ALL!

Lessons end latest like at 12.30pm. and slacked all the way till evening before going home.
Busy with Chingay practice and CNY practice. D: and the best thing i had achieved this week is that i ran a half marathon! hahahha! felt so wonderful!

Many things happened this 2 weeks too. As in my feelings and of course heard gossips.
Seriously, why cant we humans just dont have feelings. sigh. so depressing man. and met many hypocrites. i think that are all the flaws of human.

Feeling fat nowadays. prolly cause i had been drinking gong cha? hahah! and money burning cause kept spending on food, drinks. Even spent $8.40 on Venti Dark Mocha Frappe today @Starbucks. :/ Well.... hahah. no choice. just felt like drinking.

Gonna shop for CNY clothes tmr. cant wait. :D going back to malaysia and play fireworks next wednesday! but at the same time i am so scared for the CNY performance in the day! only like 8 of us on stage! those new J1s are like so.. hmm weird? or maybe just cause i haven adapt to them..

Holiday mood. haha. shall spam many pictures soooon!
last week wasnt pleasant, i hope next week i will have fun! :D

P.S 20% to give you up completely. i can do this. sigh.

Had open house last wednesday and thurday. Performance went okay. And i think it was quite embarrassing. :/

Stayed till very late in school on wednesday with Hairizad, Lingling, Shimin and Earnest. hahha! omg they call him G-dragon. Funny max. Slacked like crazy. and we waited for Aaron, Syuffan to end their rugby training and went to eat. had fun! :D Reached home like 11pm. super tired.

Thursday got to school damn early. and we only perform once.wts sia! >:( Hanlin and Shawn came to PJC. hahha we wore our training tee cause we had chingay prac on that day. and someone made me angry! >:( Then my whole day damn sian even throughout the training.
Sigh. And my dream last night was about him as well. LOL! it was so nice man! how i wish i didnt wake up. but too bad, he like dont have the bf material. sad. ):

Monday starting school already. ): part of me is excited. Part of me is not. sigh.I miss Missyella and Rachael alot! Always wanna cry whenever i am on my way home or to school. ): why didnt i work hard enough! and i thought about it ytd, if i didnt get into accountancy, i would probably stay in PJC. i think i can do well this year.

Gonna have piano replacement later since thursday i didnt go cause of chingay prac. then going for chingay prac later from 3pm to 11pm!!! @F1 pit. gosh. But can see my eyecandy! so its okay! :DD
Going JP tmr to buy school shoes. :D then ballet. hope kairos programme will be fun! Ending school at 12.30pm on MONDAY! :D hehe and gonna collect my passport before going PA for Chingay prac.

i think thats all. Gonna go out soon!

School

School have started 2 days for the J2s already.
Sigh i miss studying with Lala and Rach. )': though i kept saying that i am quite glad to be a kairos. Envy that they are graduating this year already. can only blame myself for not working hard enough. ):

Went back to school for open house rehearsal yesterday.
Sigh it was a total waste of time and made me felt so odd and weird okay?!
i totally hate the feeling of being a kairos at times cause people will look at you differently.
got home at like 10pm when i left school at 8pm.
Met Darryl and Benedict on my way to the bus stop. Chat with them and well, their lives seems so well though all of my friends complaint about J2 work. its better than nothing to do. ):
Walked back home under the rain for like half an hour. )': really very very sad.

Applied for JAE at night. if i cant get into one of those choices, then i shall stay in PJC and study. Still contemplating whether to give up SYF or not. maybe shall just go for practice till i get the posting results. ): very scared that i cant get into the course i want.

PJC open house tmr. got to be in school by 10am with Minzie.
Hope it will be smooth and fun. But i dread the dance practice after open house. god damn it! ugh. ):

i really miss being part of 10S18. )':

Happy days.

Saturday. 8th Jan

Went to F1 Pit early in the morning for chingay rehearsal.
Forgotten to put sunblock! :/
Luckily the sun wasnt like those burning hot. Just bright. So i go tanned! :DD
Haha. I think i will get the tone i want after CHingay. i cant wait for chingay now uh! :D

Then trained till around 4.30pm. i went off to UCC to watch Danzation 2011.
ZOMG. when i went to the toilet to change. I got a shocked. i was like super tanned. and i felt myself burning. But i didnt care. Went down to Clementi and met the rest. Saw Sadiq from pjc one. I guessed he went to watch the concert with his friends too.

DANZATION was DOPE SHIT! omgz. i couldnt even sit well. all those moves. ZOMG. i was like stunned. super nice. AND omg, SOKA SYDC performed too. SAW my cute guy! and he was standing in front. awwww~ cool like hell. i like the nutz crew, NRA crew and SYDC. they are all damn cool. And My dearest FYY & AIJING were freaking hot in their cheerleader costume.

i didnt really enjoy the whole show though due to some... forget it. shall not say. After the show, met ffy they all. :DD






Haha. I LOVE THOSE PICTURES. :D
then to take train with Amani.
Got home at like 1am. Tired like siao. haha.

Sunday stayed at home to rest. cause i was bloody sick. =.=
Kept sneezing and had high fever.
Till like now. its already monday. J2 started school today.
i wonder how is it like. hmm. Somehow, being kairos might be better. :D
Gonna submit my JAE & JPSAE at 3pm sharp later. Applied for TP's Law Management as well. But i really really wanna get into NP's accountancy. its like 1.40pm now. Those taking O level results today must be in school already. Hmm. i kinda feel nervous too. :/
Maybe cause i am applying with them? ugh. this sucks.

Going back to school for open house rehearsal again.
dread it. i guess thats all for now.
Sian day for me cause no Chingay prac. :(

OPEN HOUSE(S) 2011! :D

SHALL PROMOTE MY CURRENT SCHOOL FIRST.

Saw this on my way to PJC today. i was shocked and went "ZOMG!" hahah.

i couldnt believe that its on the noticeboard at the busstop!

And worst still, got to know from Jenny, Minzie and lingying that its printed on SBS bus.

HAHAH! JOKE.

Dont need advertise also will have people come one uh. LOL.

Hmm went to school for Open House rehearsal today.

Yes, I will be performing for open house. for Modern dance, my cca.

Those interested please come and SMS me that u are coming.

SO that i can bring you guys around. :DD

Okay, overall it was boring.

ZOMG. and awkward at some point of time.

Somehow i felt that i was not welcome.

Guess maybe i think too much.

Cant attend rehearsal on Monday..

cause gonna have Chingay practice and some interview.

Die.

but, wtv.

Then left school and went for poly open house at...

LOL! IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME.
Went with Brandon, Aaron, Hairizad, Shimin, Remus, Yonghao, Shawn and Huihui.

haha. :D

Had our lunch at Makan Place and i saw my darling Rachel Toh selling cookies.

Bought from her cause it was her project.

LOL! 5 Famous Amos cookies = $2.50!

HAHAH! but well... helping her. :)

Then went BA, and school of health sciences.

WTS.those insects SUCKSS! freaking hate them. GROSS.

Then went to eat biscuits in liquid nitrogen. haha.

Brandon and Hairizad damn funny. Nvr eat before. so we played with it! :D

Went convention centre to get free NP shirt.

but we had to shout out a cheer:

N-G DOUBLE-E, A DOUBLE-N!

NGEE ANN *CLAPCLAP*

NGEE ANN *CLAPCLAP*

X2

ABSOLUTELY NGEE ANN!!

haha. we scared paiseh so we joined group with th front people. lol!

i suddenly thought of one for PJC.

P-I-O-N DOUBLE-E-R!

PJC *CLAPCLAP*

PJC *CLAPCLAP*

X2

AWESOMELY PJ!!

LOL. quite werid uh. ahha.

Hmm. after tht went to find OZIR.

LOl he was there for soccer tournament.

wts, aaron made me damn paiseh in front of them.

so many HONG KAH STUDENTS.

especially my batch one.

omfg.

suppose to be a secret. but now...

never mind.

We went for cca fiesta too.

I am interested in NRA and i am so gonna get in.

but besides that, i am interested in percussion as well.

so if i cant get into NRA,

i will go for...

ZOMG.

ITS.TOTALLY.AWESOME! (Y)

hhaha. Hafizah and Insyrah were inside.

super surprised to see them.

Both of them change. LOL!

Very happy to see old Juying Primary Friends. :DD

Then after that, went Bukit Timah Plaza with Brandon, Aaron and Hairizad to play pool.

Fun like hell.

The last time i went was with Benjamin.

Unhappy memories. Gosh. ugh.

Then today, the table beside us was this group of NP students. they look like year 2s.

Then damn funny! the guy missed the cue.

i laughed till they know! ahaha!

laughing while i type now.

EPIC man! hahah

shall pool with them again! so fun.

Went home and had light dinner.

ON DIET~ ahaha.

Tmr there's Chingay training at F1PIT.

ZOMG. 9am to 6pm.

but i will leave at 4pm cause imma gonna watch

SUPPORTING MY DARLING SYAFIQAH & AIJING. :D

quite excited now. but i shall go sleep. muscles aching from walking too much. lol.needa get up early. so yeah. thats all!

Hope that it will be a good good day and sunny day tmr! :D so that i can tan. teehee.

P.S. PLEASE LET ME GET INTO ACCOUNTANCY & NRA! AMEN. (':

goodnight world.

Fly.

Back again.
Guess what, slept at 4.35am yesterday. Just nice my brother's alarm rang. wts.
And woke up at like 8am?! >:(
I am freaking tired. i wanna have a good rest. But i cant! freak it. ):
Maybe i should see a doctor. Insomia is getting on my nerves.

Send grandfather back to malaysia this morning.
cause he got business to do overthere.
I am damn sad when i thought of what he said yesterday. About him leaving the world.
I think cause granduncle passed away and made him realised the time too.
i am damn sad now. full of regrets.
why didnt i accompany him more when he is here. ):
i am sad and scared.
I love you grandpa!

Idiot. Have to go to school tmr for open house rehearsal. WTS.
and i have to see those people that i dont wish to see. UGH.
Luckily i meeting my dear Jensi earlier and she gonna revise with me. :D
thanks JENNY!

Planned to go for all poly open houses one okay?! fck.
Stupid PJC.
But never mind, trying to pull people to PJC to see our open house.
ITS ON THE 12TH JANUARY.

Hmm going to NP with remus, yonghao, shawn, lingling, shimin, hairizad and brandon tmr.
I WANNA GET NP SHIRT! ahahah.
then maybe going SP with Weixian and darren. shall text them when i am going.

ugh. shits. somehow i am feeling troubled again.
AM I SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION?! lool.
its irritating.
And shopping with mummy tmr night.

Cant wait for Saturday's chingay training and DANZATION@UCC.
Gonna see my awesome babes. @Syafiqah @Aijing.
Teehee.

Shall accompany mum and dad now before i TRY to sleep.

Sleepless Night.

OMGZ.
I think i needa seek a doctor.
I.AM.FREAKING.HAVING.INSOMIA.!
and imma having gastric now.
just realised i didnt eat anything for the whole day.
ugh.
i think i shall start maybe studying a little tmr.
and i have piano tmr night.
shits.
Didnt practice these 2 weeks!
CHAM. :/

ugh. shall pop a pill and drink and try to sleep.
Punggol is such a lonely, quiet and cold place.
Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad.

But whatever.
I needa SLEEEEP~:(

JLS - Love you more

okay, i cant get to sleep. feeling super down now. Here's a song i have for tonight. sigh.

Flashbacks of memories = *bangs* MOOD DOWN TO ZERO.

LOVE YOU MORE.JLS

First day that I saw you thought you were beautiful
But I couldn’t talk to you, I watched you walk away
And it felt like I spent all of that second day trying to figure out what it was that I should have said
Third day saw you again, introduced my friend, said all the words I wanted to
On day four and five and six I don’t know what you did, but all I could think about was you

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more
Find myself asking what are you waiting for
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

Days they turn into weeks, that’s how good this has been
Still I can’t believe the way this first year has flown
Still you catch me by surprise, when I look in your eyes
When you turn and say that you love me

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more (and more)
Find myself asking what are you waiting for (what you waiting for)
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

(And more)
Love you more
(And more)
I Love you more
(And more)
I Love you more
Hey hey hey hey

Day one I first laid my eyes on you,
Day two I can’t help but think of you
Day three was the same as day two
Day four I fell in love with you
Day five you spent it with me
Sixth day knocked me off my feet
Day seven that’s when I knew spend the rest of my life with you

Thought I couldn’t want you, more than I did before
But everyday I love you a little bit more
Find myself asking (find myself) what are you waiting for (what are you waiting for)
Cos everyday I love you a little bit more

Everyday , knowing I’m going to see your face
And that’s enough for me (that’s enough for me)
I want you more and more and more everyday

(And more)
I wanna spend my life with you
(And more)
Everyday learn something new
(And more)
I love you more and more and more everyday

(And more)
Love you more
(And more)
I love you more
(And more)
Love you more

I think i suck at consoling myself. YOU SUCK. D:

Happy Birthday, Azli.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,AZLI.
oh well. you are 18 already.
Personally, i think you wont be here. thats why i post this. (':
Time flies huh. I still remember those times when we were so close. Sec3 onwards?
haha. well, really miss those times. Miss those times, when we sit in canteen, chatting all afternoon. Playing around with cameras. I really made a mistake in accepting you as my bf that time. cause it totally ruin our long term friendship. sigh. but its all in the past.
I know something that i shouldnt in 2010. so i am not feeling guilty anymore.
so now in 2011, you are 18 already. Saw you at Sentosa underwater world that day, but guess its nt fated cause we didnt talk.
really miss you now, as my very good friend. sometimes i hope, we will have the time turn back to sec 3 again, when we chat all day long.

Anyway, just hope you will achieve good results for yourself on the 10th January. At least get into a Poly and maybe i might see you there someday in April. haha. Take care dude of your health. and i hope ur family thing is okay by now.

Best wishes to you my dearest ex-bf and best friend...

下一站，幸福。

这几天，都失眠了。
不知为什么。是压力吗？自己也好像知道。近来，我想了很多。
２０１０是个很不实际的一年。做了很多的第一次，也做了很多后悔的事。
昨天，我看见了他。突然好想念我们每天发简讯的时候。是多么的有趣。可是，我不知是想念那个他，而是今年我所遇到的每一个“他”。
但今天已经是２０１１了。我不能再走回头路。自己也有１８岁了，到了三月，就会去学驾车。好期待啊！:]

再多一个礼拜就要开学了。应为留级所以好不期待。比自己小一年的同班是什么感觉呢？这样跟在中学读五年有什么两样？咳。。。真闲。１７号不要这么快到啊！这假期玩太多了。好想念表妹表弟们！等待着和他们又一起再去玩～

外公昨晚到新加坡。但应为我迟回，他已经睡了。今天很过失，没什么陪到他老人家。): 突然好像哭。我不应该一直用电脑。要不然，以后真的会后悔。嗨～现在好难过呀！外公，真的很对不起。我明天一定会早起，和你一起吃早餐。。。

这是我第一次用华文莱写博客。感觉好奇怪啊！但也同时觉得很特别~觉得自己好像真的在写出心里的感触。看下次会多用华文吧！
现在真是睡不着，该做什么呢？嗯，我想那点书来读吧！

P.S 我好想念有男朋友的感觉。好想现在把每一个“他”都写出来。D: 我真的曾爱过你们～

Training yesterday was fun. (:

It was Noel's first day of school as well. He look freaking cute when he is in uniform. Haha.
Went to City Hall at around 4pm. Then bought Gong Cha. I love the gongcha green milk tea. (: After that when to find Hairizad at Marina Square.

Went training at F1 Pit. Saw ShiQi. LOL! :D She couldnt recognize me. haha. Trained till quite late. like OMGZ. super tired. Bought a limited edition green tea. :D haha.

Going to NP this friday.
I cant wait to get out of PJC.
10 Jan the rest that get promoted start school. lol.
and O level graduates get their results.
and for me, i will apply to accountancy.
i hope i get in. (:

Having insomia these few days. Feeling so troubled after seeing you. alot of flashbacks. Ugh. PJC is really a nightmare man. And i needa clarify something.

Missyella, i didnt ask anyone to post those those things on my tagboard. and i am gonna remove them. and i didnt say anything else after to anyone after christmas which means after we talk. that day the message u sent me, i was at sentosa with my cousins. Didnt really know how to reply. and i dont know what to say too. so yeah. Just hope everything is well for you. I sent New Year message to you, but dont know if you recevied. cause alot of my friends didnt get my message. Happy 2011 to you.

I think thats all. Going for chalet soon, hahaha! :D

3.48am!

This is how i feel now. D': But i shall sleep it off.
Craving for Starbucks - Dark Mocha Frappe! ):

Nat still not asleep. Playing with my itouch.
Confirm cant wake up tmr for school! Gonna force him to sleep!
Goodnight world.

PAYM CHINGAY PRACTICE! :D

Went for practice a PA HQ today with Hairizad, Lingling, Shimin, Remus, Shawn and Yonghao.

Revised shooting star today. Quite boring. But we used our props. the LED LIGHT SLEEVES!

FREAKING COOOL LIKE CRAZY! ZOMG. I WANNA WEAR IT AGAIN! had fun overall. Gonna practice hard and making to the main performance team. we all are! :D hahahhaha!

Gonna have a rehearsal at F1 Pit tonight.! :D cant wait. Wearing our red shirt and black bottom. Our dress code for tonight, hahha. Meeting them early to practice.

HWAITING EVERYONE! WE CAN MAKE IT! :D 9 MORE PRACTICES TO ACTUAL PERFORMANCE! LET US DO OUR BEST! :DD

love,
Mabby

Best Cousins Forever --- BCF! :D

Mum's side cousins came over to play! :D for 4days3nights.

YeeHeng,YeeHao - Dayi's sons
ShiHui,ShiMin - 3rd Uncle's daughters

Day 1 - 30th December

Went to school early in the morning to practice Chingay dance with Hairizad and Ling ling. Smuggled Remus and YongHao into school too! haha! :D Practiced till like 10am, Dayi called and i went to Kranji MRT station to fetched them. Bused Back to Punggol. LOL. kept taking photos. Super nice day.

Got home and saw new sofa. It was damn nice. hahha. and so daddy came back too. bathed and went to hougang and have our lunch! :D then brought them to Esplanade there and walk! took alot of photos too.. here are some:










Settled our dinner at Italian Vegetarian stall @ ROMA DELI. super nice! miss the food now. Brought them to Bugis Street to shop. OMG damn alot of things to buy uh. bought quite a few stuffs. :D then cause we were all sleepy. so we went to National Library's highest level. Yee Hao scared till dont dare move. actually i am also quite afraid of heights. D: ahhaa. Took Bus 80 from Bugis back to Sengkang at like 9pm. OMG i thought its a short trip. in the end it took like 1 hour plus. D: but it was a nice experience for them.

Day 2 - 31st December

Decided to go East Coast Park on that day. Daddy took half day leave. So woke up in the morning and had breakfast at home. Mummy and Noel went with us too. Called XiaoYi to bring Marco and WeiJie along. :D so its like super family gathering. Went there, omg i was shocked that xiaoyi had a maid! cool ttm. i want a maid too. ahhaha. Xiaoyi brought beehoon and curry. super nice! :D Cycled after dad came. But my butt damn pain! D: Here are some photos. Love this day the most!





Then in the evening, went to Xiaoyi's house for dinner. Took Yizhang's lorry back. i love sitting at the back of the lorry. damn fun! :D

Mary cooked till very nice. but we decided to go home for countdown. so we left at like 9.30pm. on the way home, i went to buy beer. hahhaah! they actually didnt check cause they say its new year celebration so they give chance. OMG uh. WENT HYPER after that. hahah.

Got home, we all bathed and prepared for countdown. started drinking! hahah! Party all they way~ :D

HAPPY 2011! May All My Wishes Come True. :D Blessed Be.

Day 3 - 1st January 2011

SENTOSA~

Woke up very early at like 8 plus. headache but ate panadol so felt better. Had breakfast then get to know that Dad's side cousins coming. Had a shock and didnt know what to do. They came to our soon and we stayed for a while before i brought my cousins out. the feeling was kinda awkward cause dad's side family also came out to play. but they didnt tell us before hand. so i didnt plan. Saw their dissappointed faces, but i had no choice. so we left for sentosa with my mum's side.

Had GONGCHA early in the morning at VIVO. NICE LIKE CRAZY! ahhaha. and i got tanned from ECP day. Went to Imbiah station first. sight seeing and picture taking. went to USS, bought like chocolate and stuffs. But it started raining. so decided to go for lunch at Koufu and had a walk at the beach. Then dad suddenly called and said they are comin to sentosa too. walao, i shock like crazy. its nt nice to have 2 families mixed tgt. but we waited. then rained very heavily.

So we all decided to go UNDERWATER WORLD. Fucking shit. some people just cant control their anger, give out their faces. very unhappy. Fucking wasted my dad's money. ITS ALMOST $200 SINGAPORE DOLLARS OKAY?! NOT RINGGIT! ugh. =.=! i hope they get to see somethin, if nt i make sure they pay next time. shit it. OMG and i saw AZLI outside Underwater World. Shocked like crazy uh. didnt prepare myself to get to see him again, especially at sentosa. lol! he still didnt really change, as in looks. hmm.

Then dad's side decided to go back msia cause rained non-stop. and then cousins and i went to orchard at night. Went there for dinner and shop! happy mood came back again! :D Here are some photos:












HAHHA! nice pictures right? ((: Went back home quite late and we stayed up the whole night to chat. :D

Day 4 - 2nd January

Woke up quite early and they kept their stuffs. Went in Malaysia and had breakfast near Grandpa's house. Had prata. Very nice. Imma drooling while i am typing. D: It was very nice. Then sent them to 3rd uncle's house. Then stayed for awhile and headed back to Singapore after shopping. LOL!

These few days really very happy. and brought us all closer. They are coming again this month to buy New year clothes and shoes. So am i gonna shop! :D Teeheehee.

Miss them so much now. BCF! <3