i am feeling real sad now.
real real sad,
i am jealous too.
what the hell is wrong with me?
hate myself like that. ):
i wanna cry.
i need a hug.
i need someone to console me.
cant take it anymore... ):

shall go bathe in cold water.
i need to numb myself.
need to focus after bathing.

freak...
this is killing me.
and i am dying off.
cant take it...........

What A Day.

Had my CSE today.
i almost died. but i think i can pass.
like finally the most brain draining subject is down. (:
quite glad.

2 DOWN, 3 MORE TO GO.
tmr no paper for me cause i dont take mother tongue.
but i am still going to school as usual to study.
Physics and Math! D:
super afraid for that.
i wanna pass and get promoted!

hais. shall start studying later.
Parents went to collect keys for the new house today.
they say its very nice.
so sad that i didnt get to see.
i wanna see!
sigh.
shall just see the pictures when parents come home.



ITS MY LOVE'S BIRTHDAY TMR!

SYAFIQAH! I LOVE YOU TO THE MAX.
ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR RESULTS TMR OKAY?
I AM SURE YOU CAN PASS AND STAY ON IN NRA!
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. ((:
I WILL BE QUITE FREE TMR, SO ANYTHING CAN JUST CALL ME ALRIGHT?!
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
JUST ANOTHER WEEK, THEN I WILL BE FREE.
CANT WAIT NOW. (:
LOVE YOU AND PLEASE TAKE CARE.
SEE YOU SOOOOOON!
HUGS&KISSES!

really miss all my friends.
and i miss spending time with my family too.
love my mummy and daddy alot.
stupid promos have been making me studying like mad.
sigh,
but it will soon be over.
endure Mabel!

and...
i dont really know how i feel now.
sigh,
just got to wait and i decided to wait.
but lets just see how when time comes...

goodnight world. :')

BROKEN.

my heart hurts. its too much. i wanna cry, but there is no more tears left. what i can do now, is to run. i hate being in that situation. i wanna step out of it. i gave u a solution, telling you that i will be giving up. why do you want me to wait? i dont wanna believe thats what you said. but my heart tells me that its the truth. seems like i'm a back up plan. sigh. i rather you tell me straight. dont leave me hanging. it hurts after a while. i really dont know what to do now. i guess, my wall is building up with the speed doubling. cause if not i think i will get seriously hurt.. sorry if i am a lil cold, its part of self defence. you know how much i feel like talking to you like nothing happened before? but its really tough. i have alr did my best by continue talking to you. if one day i cant take it, i will just run. Run as far as i can.

Can anyone feel me? D':


can anyone tell me what to do next?
wait or not to wait?
should i be upset?
argh, going crazy.
i am SERIOUSLY lost..
and heart-broken.

broken....


To Jen.

Be strong.
i wanna run too.
maybe we can run together.
but right now.
focus on promos.
till next thurs.
i will run with you.
jiayous okay?
i love you strawberry!


i think thats all for today.
too upset right now.
shall sleep soon.
nights world.

PRODUCTIVE.


quite a perfect day till night.
woke up early in the morning and go to school to study.
reached school earlier than lala.
and i started studying first.
Bought Mac's coffee. :D
very nice!
and lala brought breakfast for me. damn nice of her. hahah
love her alot.
wanted to run but didnt bring clothes to change.
so yeah decided to run some other time.
going to school to study tmr again.

Argh,
i swear i am damn sad just now during tuition.
super demoralized! D':
i thought i know how to do chem, but its like i couldnt.
i wanted to cry la.
):
but this means i needa work triple hard.
shall go study my CSE after i complete blogging then i sleep ard 1.30am.
need coffee tmr again!
shall make it a productive one again.

4 more papers left to end of promos!
ENDURE!

sigh.
feeling so sad and down now. shall post another post to describe how i feel...

Stress&Tired

Monday.
The start of promotional exams.
Argh.
General Paper.
i totally have no idea why did i choose that question?!
i practically just murdered myself in the room. sigh.
super sad. ):

the killer question that i did: " What, in your opinion, is a meaningful life."

ARGH! why did i choose that! D:
feel like crying.
never mind,
Paper 2 was alright.
just that didnt manage to complete my Application Question.
*screams*

Thursday is China Studies paper.
Fml.
i dont understand why do i have to study china la.
urgh.
stayed and studied with Missyella till 8pm.
still quite productive. Memorized the relationship between CCP & PLA.

Eating ice cream to chill myself now.
Too bad its not Magnum Gold.
But still i am feeling cooler now.



Shall start doing physics and chemistry soon after blogging.
Going to school early in the morning tomorrow to study the whole day.
i hope its gonna be productive and i will most prolly stay home on Wednesday to mug for CSE.

Oh ya, and i have a weird feeling just now.
i am very afraid people in school might think that i am crazy, weird and unfriendly.
But the fact is, i am FRIENDLY. i am Crazy because i love my friends.
i enjoy time with them!
I hope those who thinks in that way get to see this post!

i am feeling quite down today. ):
i guess its partly cause i am still avoiding and denying my own feelings.
dont dare to face the problem after promos.
i dont wanna know the answer or decision made.
sigh. first time got stuck in this way.
i guess its KARMA.
Really feel like running away.
i guess i will do that soon.


can anyone tell me what to do?

k shall go study now.
Good night.

THINGS I STUDY IN YEAR ONE!

freak.
i used like 2 hours to file all these notes neatly.
freaking tired.
stupid promos.
i am not afraid of you!
i am gonna conquer.!
argh.
think next year will be worst.
prepare to killl myself alr.
D:

all the best for tomorrow's GP.
paper 1 : 8am to 9.30am
paper 2 : 10am to 11.30am

fuck you.

HWAITING MABEL! ♥

Study hard.
you can do it.
and you can win that freaking irritating guy in your class that look down on you.
so what if you didnt do well for MYE.
The real battle is just about to start.
YOU CAN DO IT!
clear your mind and heart and focus.
its just another 2 weeks.
and you can play all you want.


Aim:
General Paper - B
China Studies in English - B
Mathematics - D
Physics - D
Chemistry - B

WORK HARD, MABEL! :D

to LALA & RACHAEL.

Babes.
I love you guys so much.
wanna thank you guys for being there for me whenever i am down.
especially this period of time when everything just came crashing onto me.
plus its the promos period.

teehee.
firstly wanna say
i hate u both last time for leaving me out. (esp @rach's house)
hahahahaha.
i knew you guys got something against me.
hahaha.
but luckily i changed after the June holidays.

if not i guess i will just fail my promos and leave PJC.
hehe.
right now, i just cant wait for promos to end and go out with both of you!
AND I SHALL MAKE YOU GUYS IMPROVE IN CHINESE! ((:

hahahahahhahaha.
ALL THE BEST FOR PROMOS!

SYAFIQAH! ♥

Oh her eyes, her eyes Make the stars look like they're not shining Her hair, her hair Falls perfectly without her trying She's so beautiful And I tell her every day Yeah I know, I know When I compliment her She wont believe me And its so, its so Sad to think she don't see what I see But every time she asks me do I look okay I say When I see your face There's not a thing that I would change Cause you're amazing Just the way you are And when you smile, The whole world stops and stares for awhile Cause girl you're amazing Just the way you are Her nails, her nails I could kiss them all day if she'd let me Her laugh, her laugh She hates but I think its so sexy She's so beautiful And I tell her every day Oh you know, you know, you know Id never ask you to change If perfect is what you're searching for Then just stay the same So don't even bother asking If you look okay You know I say When I see your face There's not a thing that I would change Cause you're amazing Just the way you are And when you smile, The whole world stops and stares for awhile Cause girl you're amazing Just the way you are The way you are The way you are Girl you're amazing Just the way you are When I see your face There's not a thing that I would change Cause you're amazing Just the way you are And when you smile, The whole world stops and stares for awhile Cause girl you're amazing Just the way you are

i wanna delicate this nice awesome song to you.
just that its not from a guy,
but a MOST WONDERFUL BEST GIRLFRIEND YOU EVER HAD!♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
are you touched?
hehehhehehe! :D

I LOVE YOU ALOT ALOT MAN! ♥
cant wait to camp at your house.
becoming a crazy girl.
camwhoring and talking and laughing non-stop!
hahahahahahhahah!
think i gonna lose at least 10KG at ur house! hahahahaha!

HOPE TO SEE YOU SOOOON IDIOT! ♥

Spamming loves for you! ♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
see me staring at you? (cause i want u to look at me, FOREVER! )
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

teehee! :D nights, love!

To ACT CUTE BOY a.k.a FAT IDIOT:
(think its gonna be the last time i call you that)

i guess everything was pretty much alright until i get to know some stuffs. was really very happy previously. and really wanna say a BIG thank you cause you really made me happy and surprised me alot. i guess i just need some time to get over this.I am really touched by the things you did like coming to mac in the middle of the night with mocha. (': really shocked me.( and sorry for causing you to be so tired that day! cause you didnt get enough sleep ). and of course buying me a foolscap of my favourite colour.( was really happy that day ) and calling me before my ballet exam. i guess there wont be such surprises in the future already. (sad for me) lol.

Was quite upset at first cause i had fallen for you. but well, Not fated i think. you knocked on the wrong door and sent a wrong message. but as pieces, i will be strong enough to overcome this. just help me now by sorting out ur feelings ya?

i hope you quickly get your heart set out right and get to her quick before she is taken cause i believe in your heart you still like her. i wanna wish you all the best for promos and i believe you can stay in 4H2. (: i wish you all the best and stop being so emo. (: oh and take care when you dance!

with loads of <3,
Mab.

SAD

Sigh,
its all just a week.
and everything happened.
i thought this time round i was lucky.
but it didnt turn out to be what i expected.
sigh. ):

Maybe is all just me.
but i know in his heart, he still likes her.
how stupid i am right? to give up my happiness.
seriously in my whole life, no one treated me so well before.
i was damn touched and felt pampered.
sigh, but it all didnt work out.

previously was upset about something else.
cried for 2 days and upset for a damn long time.
then when i thought everything was settled, another bomb drop.
wts!
why did she give me that look.
ARGH!
i have been numbing myself.
i really wanna cry for days.
But friends around me cared for me,
and i dont want them to worry + Promos are coming.
in like 3 days.

i seriously dont know what to do.
keep running?
argh and i just requested him not to treat me so well
f. its so painful till i can die.
like taking a knife and stab myself.

sigh i really dont feel like caring.
what a big mistake man mabel.
i cant believe you just let people into your heart so easily.
Maybe i should built a thicker and stronger wall this time.

sigh, i shall wish him all the best here and hope he find his happiness soon.
i suck. and the feelings suck too.

i cant wait for promos to end and i wanna run away.

HECTIC!


my life is getting better.
Very busy with exams now.
just had my ballet exam last wed.
gosh, i hope i can do well.
promos is coming in 7 days?
sigh.
imma so not prepared.
physics and math! argh..

i dont wanna retain.
i wanna stay with missyella and rachael.
i love them to the max man.
and of course the DANCERS.
i hope we can all promote together.
lets work hard.
PW sucks to the core.
i hate that stupid damn old man.
WTS?!
since when i didnt do my work?
can you like open up ur eyes bigger.
DONT MAKE ME LODGE A COMPLAINT ON YOU!
urh.
cant stand PW. sucks

sigh..
restless.
got to go for ballet now then come back and ton. ):
bye.