Red Carpet.

Its my 300th post. :D
Attended Aunt's wedding yesterday.
She was damn pretty & happy. I cried when they sang some songs to thank my grandparents.
Food yesterday was totally AWESOME but i didnt get to eat all cause i was too full.

Man i feel like marrying too. D:
I kept thinking. I wore till as though it was prom ytd. hahhaha!
i didnt have a prom when i was in Hong Kah Secondary. So whenever occasions allow, i will do that. :D
Be happy with myself.

Performance in 8 more days. D:
I am freaking scared. not prepared.
sigh.
have to do my best show for myself and my friends.
Want them to enjoy.

Going Bugis/Town with pearl pearl tmr to shop for costume.
and its 1am already and i still haven sleep.
just had a chat with tom & hanxin.
too bored. LOL!

to FI:
Sigh, i miss you man.
Really really miss you.
Afterall, you had done so much things for me & surprises me.
i really dont know why am i feeling this way.
Somehow i think everything started and ended too fast.
i know i am selfish but i hope someday you will step into my life again. )':
why must it be you. really. D:
there's one more time i have to face. its gonna hit me real hard. how i wish i will be your partner.

i think thats all.
danced whole day.
tired already.
shall go to bed after chatting with RACHAEL since she just msn me with her BLACKBERRY! =.=
hahahahha!
ciaos

Freedom..?

Have been really busy for the past week.

Dancing and dancing EVERYDAY.

i am doing this till like 7th December. D:

Needa get myself in shape by next week.

This Sunday is Aunt's Wedding in SG.

Went all the way to Jurong Point just now with mum and dad.

went to get my dress and heels and bag.

hahhaha!

cost me 300 bucks in total.

wts right?!

macam PROM sia.

hahhahhahaha.

but oh well.

:D

my heels are getting higher each year.

i cant wait for CIP either.

both standard chartered and Metro SIF.

And actually staying in the Northeast is FREAKING COOL OKAY?!

hahahhahahah!

But the only 2 problems i have is.

I HATE TRAVELLING NOWW SERIOUSLY!

&....

I FREAKING HATE MISSING THE LAST TRAIN!!

the train service ends too early. D:

so troublesome sia.

zzz.

Cant go out too late.

Must check out the bus services soooon!

i think thats all uh.

& i freaking needa decide soon whether to leave or not to leave.!

BIG SIGH! D:

Behind THE SMILE is what we call, SADNESS.

It has been a week since i shift.

Travelling to school is a CHORE! 1.5hours! D:
Didnt really miss Jurong, i dont know why.
Prolly cause i was too busy all along. sigh.

My weekends were fun. :D
SSCM OREPC @Expo with
Hairizad, Cheryl, LingLing, Salleh, YanJuan, Brandon, Joel, Vivian, Beatrice and Aaron and the leader, ShiQi.
It was really enjoyable.
& of course i got to know new friends too.
Ben&Jerry FREE for 3 days straight!
It was quite an embarrassing day on Sunday though.
cant say till too detailed.
hahaha.
if not this post will be damn long.


Then went to Katong on Saturday.
TeoHeng.
LOL!
it was cheap. $4 for 3 hours! hahaha.
shall go there again.



All these fun make me dont feel like leaving PJC.
but still i guess i will still apply for poly and see how.

Being a retainee,
only those who retained or retained before in JC will know how we kairos feel.
those who are not,
just shut the FUCK UP & FUCK OFF.
& dont say u know how we feel.

i guess i will just study a little this holidays when i am free.
cause quite busy with concert nowadays.
then it will be CIPs and during Christmas, i will be in HONGKONG! :DD

As of today.
WHAT THE F.
Seriously.
Fucked up day.
i kept being reminded of all THEM.
ALL.and i really meant ALL.
what ever i see, whatever i hear, all related.
Fuck seriously.
i feel so sucky.
and so i went to town alone.

there are some things i dont wish to say.
cause i think its unnecessary.
Hope tmr will be a better day since its the last day of school.
I can sense boredom coming.

PS. I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU CAN REFLECT,
and FUCKING GET YOURSELF STUDYING BITCH.
YOU DONT DESERVE ME AS YOUR FRIEND.
JUST FUCKING SHUT YOUR FUCKING ASS UP & GET YOUR WORK DONE.
YOU SERIOUSLY NEEDA CHANGE,
NOT ONLY FOR ME, BUT FOR YOURSELF BITCH.
GET A LIFE.
THOUGH I RETAINED, BUT FUCK YEAH, I GOT OUT OF IT.

its just someone that pissed me off nowadays.
fucking hate it.
k i shall stop here.
Eyes closing.
and i am really sad.

SADNESS FILLS ME.
INDESCRIBABLE.
SO EVERYONE,
JUST STOP STABBING ME.
I CANT TAKE IT.
EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN.

SHALL SLEEP OF MY PAIN NOW
as i cry all out.
all alone in my room...

tears.

Tearing behind my smile & laughter.

Its 2am now.
i cant freaking sleep.
i am lost, i dont know where to go.

okay i shall rant out how i feel now.
cause i cant help,
but just keep staring at friends' blog and cry.

i dont know is it cause i think too much or what.
i guess it doesnt make any difference if i leave 10S18.
sometimes, i really envy people from other classes.
they are all so bonded.
so i guess leaving PJC makes no difference too.

Our class people only talk about how sucky our class was.
which teacher is following up with them.
hope to change CT! cus she sucks to the core.
everyone excited about who is joining 10s18 next year.
and i am here thinking, 11s?? or Poly.
I dont even know if i can get into the course i want in poly.

REALLY,
i am sad inside.
deep down inside me,
i feel like killing myself.
all those happy conversations i had with my friends,
are all fake.
i dont feel happy at all.
i feel so dumb.

i wasted my time & money this year.
2010 = bad year.

why?!
all i can do in the day is just hiding.
and when its all dark,
i started feeling tired & sad.
sad till i kept crying.
This is the 3rd day.

what should i do?
i really dont feel like going to PJC anymore.
its pains to see my class, my friends.
worst still, i have to talk to them & even laugh and be cheerful to hide my sadness.

i dont know if every kairos is feeling this way or is it just me?
i guess cause i have never failed till so badly in my life.
A girl like me, who used to top everything no matter in academic or dance.
ACTUALLY HAD TO RETAIN ANOTHER YEAR IN PJC!
Joke right?

haha.
i really have nothing to say.
Just hope everyone else in 10S18 do well for their A Levels next year.
seriously,
how i wish i can say what Hairizad said to his class happily,
"Thank you 10S18 for being part of my life in 2010!"
But that will never happen i guess.
Its the end of 2010 academic year next week.
last week of being part of 10S18.

Bye 10S18.
Bye Lala.
Bye Rachael.
Bye suckiest teacher.
Bye PJC...

PACKING LIKE CRAZY FOR THE WHOLE DAY.
CONTINUE PACKING NOW.
IMMA TIRED!

My Weekend

Went back to Malaysia for Aunt's Wedding Lunch. :D hehehe.
This is what i did. :D

My Cousin & I
She is younger than me & so damn pretty & Skinny!
My AUNT (finally married) :D

The newly Weds.

Me & my uncle ( 12yrs older only) :D

4th Uncle.
The TRIOS.
we grew up tgt.
Me & Cousin (Yeehao)

MOVING ON TO...
FOOOOOOD!
I only ate a little. BUT I WAS DAMN FULL!

THE WEDDING CAKE! :D

There's another wedding dinner in Singapore for my aunt 2 weeks later
And i am going to be the bride's maid.
HEHE! :D SHALL WEAR MY DKNY DRESS!
& I WILL BE TAKING ALOT OF PHOTOS! :D
hahahahaha.

i wanna get married too!

I am feeling really sad.

Went to school yesterday to receive my results.
I really didnt want to go. ):

Teacher called out my name.
i smiled to Rach & Lala.
I was sort of prepared but still not well prepared enough to face it.

All i did was laugh and smile.
i performed okay without letting others know that i am sad.
Even had a little lunch with Rach & her friends.
and even had icecream with lala.

Worst thing was i have to stay in school from 12.30 to 5.30pm for dance.
i really covered myself well untill i received the results for OGL.

i didnt get in.
i think is cause CT hated me.
I was freaking sad okay.
really sad.
till i couldnt take it.
Ran out during break for dance and started crying out.

HOW?!
nothing in that school interest me anymore.
i dont feel like staying in it.
):

I dont know where to go now.
POLY or NEW JC?
or existing one?

Got home & got yelled at.
i locked myself in the room & cried for the whole night
cause i promised someone not to go out.
i am really very sad.

Slept till almost 12pm today.
and still sad.
Packed my stuffs till now.

Sigh.
i really dont know what to do.
i feel like just leaving school and start working.
but thats not a choice.

i still need time.
i cant give an answer in such a short time.
definitely not by next Monday.
sigh.

HATE GROWING UP!
F.IT

RELAXING DAY! :D

Woke up super late today & had to rush to school.
luckily daddy no work,
sent me to school.

Handed in our GPF!
I WAS FREAKING HAPPY OKAY! :D
hahahah.
FINALLY, END OF HELL!

then i stayed in school till like 1.30pm doing up Dance Banner. ):
No one help me. ):

But never mind, it was a nice alone-time.
Alan did accompany me for 40mins. :D
before that Rachael accompanied me too.

ahahahh.
Then called daddy.
he say bring us to EAST COAST PARK!
I was freaking happy! :D

So went suntanning! teehee.
Accompanied Noel to build sand castle.
Long time didnt spend such quality time with them already.
Really really LOVE my family alot! :')

Monday is the VERDICT day.
was quite scared and sad too, till i cried.
but i shall not bother about it.
shall spend my weekend happily.

Might be going to Malaysia for Wedding dinner this Sunday.
But i have dance.
so see how.

SUCH a happy day.
and i love my tanned skin now. :D


Things to do tmr:

1. Piano lesson
2. Swimming with Nat,Noel & Dad
3. Ballet with PEARL PEARL!
   
4. Pack my stuffs!
   

FREEDOM!

Its 2am now and i am blogging again.

Had my OP today.

I was freaking nervous okay?
I screwed up my Q&A.
Freaking tough. )':
i wanted to just cry after everything.
but sigh its all over.
Just done editing my I&R.
have to go to school tmr to just hand in my GroupProjectFile.

But I AM FINALLLLYYY FREEEE FROM PWWWWW! :DD
FREAKING HAPPY OKAY?!!
CANT DESCRIBE! :D

After OP, went home to bathe and change and went BUGIS with lala.
and we found them! :D

SHOPPED like crazy.
should say window shopping with Lala at Bugis street and Bugis Junction.
Had my lunch & ICECREAM! :D (craving died)

It was freaking nice okay?! hahahah
Then we had a birthday celebration for Vivian! :D
Haha.!
i didnt know of the plan until jastine told me.

I LOVE THE CAKE SERIOUSLY except for the whip cream. eww.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCED VIVIAN! :D
& ENJOY UR TRIP TO CHINA!

so boring, i regretted not signing up for Xiamen trip instead. ))))':
if not i can camwhore more with Jiaying, Vivian, Jastine, Charlotte, Eunice & Yinghui.
damn hell sad now. )))))':

After that i went of for dance.
i swear i was damn tired and sick.
was having a fever till now.
& my freaking eyes is damn red. )):

Hurt my ankles while dancing and now throat pain like crazy.
what is wrong with me seriously?!
having BAD LUCK?

sigh...

alright shall go to bed now.
freaking tired.
sweetest dreams to all.

P.S. imma shifting house next week already. a bit lazy to shift but ya. no choice.
i will miss jurong. seriously D:

Okay i got what you mean.

cause you say you hated kpop, so we thought you wouldnt be interested in watching the show with us.

its not on purpose you see.

time will slowly cover this i hope.

and now just prepare for OP as we only left with a day.

i am feeling so unprepared too cause of my group.

but ya. all the best, and we shall talk after OP.

I am feeling very vexed right now.

and i am freaking having a high fever.


i dont know what to say and dont know what to do.
i am very afraid of my OP on thurs!

freak it.
i shall go prac now.

feel like dying right now.

YES, RIGHT NOWW!

Was thinking alot on the train to school today.

Why do i have to go through this every single time with my best friend?

First time was with Jingrui during PSLE's year
Then it was with my clique during O level's year.
Then now?

though we got even closer and better after all these shit,
but still it sucks.

argh whatever now.
if i am leaving JC,
then good.
as i will be shifting,
so can just throw all unhappiness i had in PJC behind.
and move on to a new environment again.

if i am not,
then i have to clear up this stupid shit.

fuck okay.
and my group.
fuck it.
they thought they are awesome in presenting.
but they are totally wrong.

now my confidence is shaken.
i got to practice tonight.
just keep reading and memorising.
luckily mine is short.
i heck care about the rest already.

i dont want them to say cause its my fault.
thats all.

mood totally spoilt!
FUCK.

Thats my LOVELY childhood friend, PEARLYN CHAN! :D

i missed her so much.
it has been a year since we really chat.

She is coming back!
and she is gonna dance with me again.
i am seriously damn damn happy okay!

I LOVE YOU PEARL.
cant wait to see you this weekend!

and i caught up with weiling as well.
gosh.
i felt that my life is complete once again. :D

after ballet today,
i feel so happy.
really cant explain. :D
i am once again meeting all my darlings!

and to my new bestie, Missyella:

hey babe.
i am so sorry for being such a bitch nowadays.
i am really stressed up by all the workload and groupmates.
plus my ex's accident.
felt my world went crashing.
i am so sry alright.
didnt mean to hurt you.
hope we will be talking and hanging out again soon.
& please relax for ur OP.
i am sure you will do well. :D
All the best!

To Rachael:

BABE!
please take care.
ur match is coming up!
and all the best for your OP too.
i feel like supporting you there, but it will be weird.
so yeah.
see how ya!


i think thats all.
going to do my OP soon after bathing.
so yup! :D

shall blog tmr. ^^
God bless all my beloved friends and family!

Going for dance in awhile.

i am sick again...
seriously damn suckish.
OP on thursday and here i am almost voiceless.

feel like dying. ):
15th nov coming soon.
PJC/NP?
how?!

and PEARL is coming back for dance!
my lovely childhood darling!
love her sooo much! :D

cant wait to see her. so much stuffs to update her.
one whole year of things that happened.
mostly bad for me.

while i am typing, i already feel like crying.
PEARLYN CHAN! i miss you sooo much. )))':

okay i think thats all for now.
shall update tmr or later if i needa blog to vent out what i feel.

hope rumours dont spread.

AIYAAAAA!

I THINK I WILL JUST WRITE TO YOU!

CAN YOU JUST PLEASE TELL ME WHY ARE YOU PISSED WITH ME OR DISAPPOINTED WITH ME OR WHATEVER!

ITS REALLY ANNOYING.

IF ITS ABOUT MY EX'S ACCIDENT THAT I DIDNT TELL YOU, I AM SORRY OKAY. ITS CAUSE AT THAT POINT OF TIME I AM REALLY BUSY AND UPSET ABOUT IT.

IF ITS CAUSE I ATE WITH RACH THAT DAY, I'M SORRY. CAUSE YOU WERE DOING YOUR WORK.

K I KNOW I SUCK AT ALL THESE. BUT STILL. JUST LET ME KNOW THE REASON! IF YOU HAPPENED TO READ ALL THESE POSTS.

So what do you want now?

i tried talking to you.

ugh. i've tried already okay!

seriously...

sigh i cant do much if you just keep going away..

SHIT.
i am freaking pissed off.
with almost everyone now! >:(

FEEL LIKE TEARING PAPERS!
pissed till i am tearing.

I HATE IT.

i guess i'm just jealous of them.

why is it that guys that i know/met
turn out to be a total JERK.
and whenever they meet my friends,
they will become some goodie goodie.
whatthefreak.
i cant take it anymore.

ALL GUYS,
JUST BE A GENTLEMAN IF NOT GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
DONT COME AND DISTURB ME!

all i need is just peace.
okay?
dont make me into some shit,
when everything happened and then blame onto me.

i am not god,
i cant solve things alright!?!?!!

ONE DAY!
i am going to be on that stage like her.

i am going to work my way through to be a professional dancer.
I am going to be an unlimited dancer whereby i can do all genres of dance.

thats my dream,
no one can stop me.
not even my injuries.

Hang on Mabel,
you can!

Woke up at 12.10pm today.
wts i slept for like more than 12 hours.
i hated the feeling.
like i wasted my whole day! ):

then i watched this show - shaolin girl
Its about her dreams as well.
like spreading shaolin kungfu in her hometown - Japan.
i was really touched by her.

and thats when i set my dreams on road again.
(:
Went of for contemp.
did alot of floorwork which then involved in using arm's strength.
Pain like hell.

But i hang it on till end of lesson.
and i did it! :D

i must recover fast before performance.
aiming to get the role for Angel item.

i can!
and i must.

I AM BORED! :O

woke up like damn early in the morning for piano.
gosh.

then went home to prepare.
went to find bro to swim then go clark quay with him.
but half way there, he told me he going with his friends.
i was f.pissed!

then decided to go home.
damn.
its already like 1.40pm!
dance at 3.45pm.
sian.

i am tired.
but i cant sleep.
so i am going to rewatch street dance now.

sigh.
such a boring day.

god damn it! ARGHHHHHHH!

i wanna gooooo outtt!

RELIEVED & HAPPY!

My friend is awake! :D

i am sooo happy.

i cried in joy!

Thank god, seriously!

and i wanna thank my friends who stood by me when i am feeling suckish these days.

i love you guys alot! :D

i seriously seriously feel so touched.

and i shall have a good rest tonight.

but sadly i injured my arm. D':

cant wait for next week to end.

cause its the end of PW as well. :D

and i am ordering tickets for the performance alr.

please confirm with me by SUNDAY latest.

if any of you want to watch! :D

Wanted to go for movie today. but in the end didnt go.
cause i injured myself. ):

Sprained my arm.

sigh.
i just cant do my things well these few days.
another 6 more hours again.
i hope he will wake up soon,
i hope i will receive the call soooon.

please god,
i am really praying very hard now. ):

Got home at 5.45am and i woke up late!

ｌａｔｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｄａｎｃｅ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ！):

i think i will be going to town for movie later!

i seriously dont know what happened..

i was really pissed off because when i try talking to you nowadays you just ignored?

and is only that day that i posted that i was pissed with you.

other times is @ you know. ( not okay to say here )

what i tell rach is also what i told you before.

seriously, i cant explain much either.

its quite sad to hear that you asked someone to check on my acct.

everyone gets pissed off sometimes.

its not like i am pissed off with you because of what, i hate you or whatsoever.

i seriously get very annoyed when you just ignore me when i talk to you.

i dont know uh, i have totally no mood.

last week was ROngjie kept stressing me about PW.

Then this week is the accident thing..

i dont know what to do either.

just want to tell you, i've tried my best to be a good friend but idk. is whether you wanna accept it or not.

i cant say much, its just, got hurt thrice.

i'm feeling so lonely, scared and lost.
i need someone to comfort me now.
like now.
i am scared.

i am afraid of the feeling that i might lose someone.
i am scared...
really scared...

my ex is in the emergency room now.
met an accident.

received a text from my best friend when i was on the train.
and i almost collapse on the spot.
whatthefreak.

why did i feel so scared?
please dont leave me.

i rushed all the way to hospital cause i hope to see you get well.
PLEASE STAY STRONG.
please. )':

i am going to school from hospital tmr morning.
fcuking no mood alr still needa do PW.

i cant say out who because my best friend say it will affect thousand of people.
as they are taking their O levels.

PLEASE STAY STRONG.
i'll be there for you if you need me.
i'm just right outside waiting for you.
you will be fine after surgery...

):

Images of the days we spent together happily just keep flashing in my head now.
your two most important person is outside waiting.
hang on.

All i did today was just basically nothing.
Quite unlucky today! )':

Woke up late,
then ezlink card got problem with the GIRO.
so had to use coins.
used a DOLLAR coin to go to school from lot1.
seriously, i wanted to cry.

Then got to school and met Jensi.
Talked to her before going to class.
went to toilet to tie my hair, and guess what.
MY F.LAPPY JUST HIT MY HIP BONE!
& AN IMMEDIATE BLUE-BLACK CAME OUT!

all i wanted to do was to cry.
then 8.20am, went up to J2-48 for OGL interview.
i was so freaking nervous when one of them came out and said,
"WTF, THEY MADE ME SING,DANCE AND CHEER!"
i swear i stunned.
like nothing to say.
was freaked out.
wts?! DANCE!

okay i was super nervous cause i was afraid they ask me to dance/sing/cheer.
so when i was sitting outside,
Abel, the SC came and like scare me.
wts la.

Then Alan was my interviewer.
he was like, "Hi Mabel!"
freaking scared.
i sold myself and talked about how i like the school.
and then suddenly the teacher said,
"k Mabel, since you are a modern dancer right, can you please dance now. i will give you a minute to think about it."
i was STUNNNNNEEED!
TOTALLY STUN!

i stared hard at Alan, and i know he wanted to laugh.
so in the end,
i just did like a PRIMARY SCHOOL (NEW FRIEND FOUND) dance.
freak.
i wanted to just bury myself.
Got outta classroom and i burst out into laughter.
i laughed hard and non-stop for at least 5 mins.

jesus.
like seriously.
Then after that.
went to canteen to do my PW final slides and send to Rongjie.
then watched HORROR movies with Missyella.
ONE MISSED CALL & THE GRUDGE (JUON)
we were like 2 idiots down there screaming and covering our eyes.

then went for tuition @6plus.
didnt wanna go. ):
but no choice.
i think i am not attending the last lesson.
shall go pay Mr Chan on friday or sth.

Had like lunch/dinner after tuition.
k it was just a small snack but yeah, my lunch/dinner.
didnt eat much today.
nooo appetite.

idk why now i see mih,
i totally dk how to react.
tried to be normal but somehow its still kinda awkward.
sighhh..
imma jealous.
dont know at what, but just jealous & sad. )))):

Hmm.
Just got home half an hour ago.
shall go bathe and view my slides and practice.


THINGS TO DO TMR:

1. GOING SCHOOL @ AROUND 11 PLUS AM.
2. RUNNING WITH MISSYELLA AFTER TECH RUN
3. WATCH WISHING STAIRS WITH MISSYELLA

For those who wanna watch my DANCE SCHOOL PRODUCTION on 7th DEC.
PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP! :DD

SATURDAY

Spent with Jensi, Missyella and Weihao.
Woke up super early for the Standard Chartered briefing. ):
Went all the way to Henderson Sec for it.
waste of time.
shouldnt have attended! ):
After the briefing,
we decided to rent horror show and went off to weihao's house to watch.
hahahahaha! .
quite scary, but after knowing the story behind the show,
i not that scared anymore.


SUNDAY!

Woke up at like 10 plus.
Had breakfast with my and brothers.
then decided to cut my hair.

so cut it straight and shoulder length.
i think its kinda nice when i tie it up! :D
but when i let it down,
hmm a little like maid. ):

Then packed my rooom.
throw away super loads of stuffs!
packed till like 3.50pm and prepared for dance.
From now till dec,
we will be focusing on the concert.

Thats the concert poster i got it from dancepointe web.

I will be performing 3 items.
Ballet - choreographed by Ms Foo
Contemp - Choreographed by Shirlet
Lyrical Jazz - choreographed by Senghenk

sadly no hip hop cause i am nt in dance factory.
lol.
but its okay.
always wanted to perform ballet or contemp! :DD
cause all these while, i have been performing hip hop and jazz.
cant wait to finish everything.

the songs shirley and henk used are both like awesooome.!
seriously love it.
but from now onwards
will be intensive dance practice! ):
plus crew trainings as i am training for breakdancing.

i think if one day i cant dance,
i will just die.
its like my life seriously.

later on in the morning,
my friends will be going to school for A level MotherTongue.
so glad i didnt give up my higher mother tongue in sec sch.
at least i think B3 is okay! :D
cause i used to fail like F9 all the way! hahhahahahaa.


hmm ALL THE BEST to ALL MY FRIENDS.
and i shall now go play PVZ.
thanks tom for introducing the fun game! ahahha.
addictive.
gosh.
luckily tmr no school! hahahahhaha!

bye! :D

SORE THROAT

i am having sore throat now.
pain to the max. ):
Guess i scream toooooo much during scarefest.
and i blogged subconsciously for the previous post.
cause what i typed doesnt make any sense at all!
ahahhahahaha!
quite funny i think!